I want to understand and support you. It sounds as if I have read you before under another name...but perhaps there are many of us out there that sound the same. I think I have never been able to relate to other people in the deeper way that I would like. I know a lot of people, but since I am such a "deep thinker" and "do things the hard way"; most people do not understand me. I can have conversations with others but I always feel that they don't quite understand my depth. I was not considered a genius in school, although my brother was; but during school days I was going through hell, so how can you do your best when your family is causing a lot of trouble. Anyway, since I have been taking more personality tests etc. recently, I always come up with a high I.Q., at least at the gifted level, depending on the day. It sounds as if your higher status in the social strata has also been part of the problem. Maybe you have more stress on that account too, living up to the level required of your family, friends, and society. It is too bad that social levels divide people; especially in some places like England? Anyway, it sounds a little like that move "The Poor Little Rich Girl"...if you know what I mean. Rich or famous people have more problems than those who are average. It is like the bible says at Proverbs 30:8, "neither give me poverty nor riches...". Often people who don't feel they fit in try to fit in harder or do crazy things to get attention. Too bad your mother lacks a little in the empathy department...or maybe you think she did the right thing? Do you wish that you could have had your brother chucked out? Maybe that would have healed some of your wounds, however at the same time I can just imagine what a scene that might have caused within the family and socially for the family. Well, it seems that at least from the glimpse I've had into schools of prestigious England, homosexuality goes on quite a bit between the boys at school. I think it's disgusting. What happened to your brother that he thought that was the proper way to treat you? I can just imagine. However, in my family, both of my brothers said that my father sexually molested them too, as well as my half sister, but the funny thing is, I cannot remember him doing anything

Hiya everyone, Browsing these forums it seems everyone is extremely capacious and will not judge people. Just a little bit about my problems: my first depressive issues started when i was eleven years old and found myself unable to relate to anybody there (i've always been proclaimed by both schools as exceptionally bright, when i was ten said to have the reading ability of an eighteen year old) which meant i spent the entire summer holiday in my house, during this period my older fourteen year old brother showed me how to perform sexual acts upon him and not knowing any better, I went along it. The following year I found one friend but because he was from such a lower-class background than I (and the class system is still very prevalent in England, where I live) that our friendship lasted for around five months before i began to dislike his racism and mindless behaviour. I did find one other friend a year later, but this friendship was even more short-lived and I felt entirely hopeless with life, bare in mind that in that same time I saw my own Grandad have a near-fatal heart attack in front of me that I can't help feeling guilty for as it was brought on by my misbehaviour at school that was a desperate attempt to fit in and have a crowd. Just before my exams I did find a good bunch of friends (who i still have, and if i didn't, i have no doubt i wouldn't be writing this now) but this was at at time when the abuse my brother was forcing onto me had reached dehumanising measures and one night, I thought back and it ended. I was arrested then for an assualt that had occured between my mother and I which had never actually happened but i was behaving so badly, she wanted me out of her hair. Anyway, my exams went completely array and while my friends were at school, i wondered lonely around the local area, usually at train stations and contemplating jumping but deciding against it only because I didn't want to leave any of the guilt that was plaguing me on anyone. The situation with my friends was as good as ever but as my brothers relationship with his long-term girlfriend showed signs of becoming an engagement, all i could think of was the suffering he had inflicted on me and it was driving me to contemplating and attempting suicide (twice) as i searched for