Thank you for the advice. I will check into welfare. I've tried to get Medicaid but did not qualify at that time but I feel I should qualify now sine I have no income at all. I cleaned my house on New Year's Eve and day. That kept my mind off of things. I'm just so tried of being alone in this world. I have my children but I wish I had an adult to talk to. Everytime I've tried to get in a relationship my ex scares them off, he has a bad record of losing his temper. I've got to go to court 2 times this week. I'm not getting my hopes up, after 3 1/2 years of going to court every month I've lost faith in the court systems. I'm trying to stay positive for the new year but it's hard. I feel I have nothing to live for and honestly I'm tried of fighting the world to get child support and to simply put food on the table. I've sold everything I have that has any value. What is so crazy is when I was married we were very well off, the house was paid for, cars paid for, had a camper and a boat. My ex blew everything we had away on his drugs. It's amazing how your life can change so much in 4 years. Hope you had a pleasant New Year Day. Thanks for your support and being there to help me along the way.

Hi Again, Those children have to eat. Have you applied for state aid. I was on Welfare for several months after my unemployment insurance ran out and I had no other monies coming in. My ex never supported the three of us until I took him to court. If and when you do get Welfare, do not be ashamed. I never was because I had worked for 30 years full time, had no help from the father; so, I felt that since I did my best for all those years I was entitled. Also, when getting help from the state your husband eventually will have to pay it back. There truly is no free lunch. You go after him through the courts and domestic relations in your area until you get results. I had to do the same thing. I did not get any support for years and years, but when I did get him in front of the judge, he had to get a job and pay me, or else it was jail for him. As far as New Years Eve is concerned, tune in to something spiritual on TV for a half hour or so. Then find a good movie that you like. I'll be home by myself also. I'll think of you. You will do fine. I went out and rented 2 movies to watch tonight. Probably will only have time for one. Rarely do I rent movies, however, this will work for me along with a cup of hot chocolate. If the kids are not in bed, invite them to ring in the new year with you with hot chocolate and popcorn sharing your love and closeness. In the end you will come out a winner. Wish you well and a very peaceful and happy new year.

Thank you for your support and advice. I've been fighting my ex husband for over 3 years for child support. Every month I go to court, the courts have not done anything at this time. I'm praying this month they will do something. I know I need to hang in there for my children. I'm all they have just as they are all I have. I honestly need to move away, my ex still stalks me. I have given up on the legal system because my ex gets away with everything he does to the children & me. Next week I have to go court two times. I really hate this. I'm so glad I found this site so I can talk to people who know how I feel. Thank you for your help. New Years Eve and day will be hard for me, I left my ex New Years morning in 2000. What a way to bring in the new year. I was like you, if I wouldn't have left he would have killed me, he already killed my self esteem years ago. I don't know what I'll do for New Year's, I feel I don't need to be alone but I have no one to turn to. Any suggestions?

Dear Quilting, I have been in your spot for at least 10 years, raising two children with a deadbeat father whom I divorced. He caused my first breakdown and I had to divorce him, if I didn't I would not be alive today. After divorce he never gave so much as a penny to the kids and I. He moved to another state and lived with women over those 10 years and they supported him. When I moved to the state he was in, I filed for child support and the judge said he had to get a job or go to jail. Now I am getting back support every month. The boys are doing very well. One thing I do know is that your self imposed death will cause your children to suffer from the same pain you are now experiencing. Please give yourself time. You will feel better if only by the fact that you care for your children immensely. I don't know the age of your children, but if you can get a job it will be helpful. It is always helpful to be around other people. As for your family of origin, they may be one cause of your depression. If that is the case, keep them at a distance, but be always polite to them. Even if you have an argument with your parents you can be assertive and tell them what you have on your mind as to how they hurt you perhaps when growing up or even now, but you can do it in a balanced voice always being polite. You can bear this. It is true time will heal. Be thankful for all the little things that you have. Live each day as good and productive as you can make it and you will make it. It was hard to leave my deadbeat hubby, but it was the best thing that I did for my children and myself. There will be pain, but in time, the stress you will save yourself with not having him to cope with will open up a lot of fresh air. Of course, be sure that you file for child support. Don't worry, the judge will also make him get a job or else the judge would put him in jail. Fight for your kids and yourself. You do have it in you. Doing the right thing will set you free and enhance your life force, even though you do not feel it at this time. Remember I've been through what you are now experiencing, so have many other women. Don't give up, dig deep within, relying on yourself and not others so to grow up emotionally and becoming more independent and you

If I beg my parents they might watch the kids for one night. My parents are a lot of my cause of depression. I truly have no one. I've isolated myself from the world for years now. If anyone tries to get close to me, I initially drive them away by shutting them out of my life. Even if I had a few days to myself what would I do? I don't see how spending a few days by myself would help me feel any better. I've been hospitalized before that didn't do any good. It took me away from my problems for a few days but then I got back home to face the same problems.

Im very sorry to hear you are going through such a horrible time. Is there a place you can take your kids to for a few days like your parents house? just so you can get mentally back on track? and what has your doctor said your next step should be? I think your kids will be way worse off without you.

No, I haven't stopped taking my medication. As my doctor has stated my plate is so full it has fell on the floor and broke. I simply can't handle life anymore. Nothing works out, there is nothing for me to keep going for. I feel in my heart that my children will truly be better off without me. They suffer when I get so depressed. It's not fair to no one.

Hi Quilting, why has your depression gotten so bad if you have been on medication for over 6 years?? have you stop taking your medication?

I need help. I've been in a deep depression for a long time. I having been taking medication for over 6 years. For the past several months my depression has gotten much worse. I have made all arrangements to end it all. My therapist tells me I'll being runing my children's lifes. I'm a single mom with a dead beat ex. I have sole custody of the children. I feel like by me staying around is runing my childrens lifes as it is. I need some advice, Thanks