Well, it's a bit pathetic but I'm going to call this a success. I went back to work today after two weeks signed off by my doctor. My two weeks of relaxation and de-stressing didn't go exactly to plan (real life impinges whether you want it to or not) and I ended up frustrated with having spent the two weeks either navel-gazing or stressing about our washing machine which broke down ( a major event in a family of five
).
Anyway, I've strayed from the point (naturally - I will never use one sentence when five will do). I went back to work today. I felt very nervous about it this morning - couldn't eat breakfast, found myself wishing I'd gone back to my doctor and asked for another week or two off work. But I pushed myself on, and to my surprise, once I got there I clicked back into routine and it was rather refreshing to feel like a valuable member of society again.
And I got through the day without doing many of the things I usually do during the working day:
- no headache
- didn't stare at myself in the mirror of the toilet for ten minutes whilst swearing at myself
- didn't wander the streets like a robot during my lunch hour
- didn't spend my time at my desk with my mp3 player on to isolate myself from office conversation
- didn't feel like a burnt out shell by mid-afternoon
In fact, most of the time I behaved like a 'regular guy'. So maybe the two weeks away helped break those negative, rigid patterns I had got into at work. Just hope I can keep it up. It wasn't a very busy day, but there was the stress of people welcoming me back, asking how I feel etc. Maybe the meds are kicking in a bit now, but right now I'm feeling quite optimistic. Of course, I know how my moods swing around, and this time tomorrow I could be back on this site moping again and making everyone around here feel terrible. I must wait to see how I cope when I face a stressful situation or, horror of horrors, a social situation.
But right now, I'll be terribly bigheaded, raise an imaginary glass, and congratulate myself. My target now is to miss no more work for reason of depressive symptoms (if I should be ill otherwise I won't be able to help that).
