i'm not sure what to put here, or why i'm even doing it. i guess i'm just feeling like i'm running out of options. everyday is such a painful event that i always feel like i should stop whatever it is i'm doing, and just lay down and die. i'm tired of the routine, i'm tired of the fronts, pretending i'm ok when i'm screaming on the inside. i have no way to express any of this, b/c no one i know understands. my life seems to be run by guilt. i get up, eat breakfast, go to school, study, listen to people's problems, everything a normal person would do, but what i would really like to do is go home and crawl into bed. but i don't. b/c i'm consumed with guilt otherwise. guilt of making people worry about me, guilt of wanting to give up, guilt i would feel if i failed as a human. i even feel guilty posting this, making other people with real problems reading my self centered whining. i just didn't really have any place else to go, and that if anyone would understand, it would be here.
