HEllo,
This is my first time doing something like this, I hope it helps me. I am 21 years old and married.
Last week I took a big step for myself, I went to my medical and asked to talk to a doctor about my depression. Growing up, I never was able to do that. I was suppose to see a doctor last friday, but I couldn't make it because I was required to do this stupid 8 mile hike for my work. My work is a mistake I think, I am in currently in the marine corps. I was really looking foward to that appointment.
I think I have a depression, maybe a major one. I have had it since I was a child growing up. Now, I think it's getting worse. Everyday I put myself down, thinking I am worthless and no good. I always think I am ugly and fat, even though my husband tells me I am beautiful everyday and that I have the best body. There are times I wish I would fall asleep and never wake up, hoping I will go "upstairs" by my grandpas. I am so sick of feeling like this. This isn't only affecting myself, but my husband as well. He told me that I need to get help, and he told me how this is hurting him. We get into arguements, a couple of them have been bad, but other ones are over something stupid. I am not sure if maybe I have mood disorder or something like that. Because I do get irrated very easily over little things. My husband also points out that I will be in such a good mood, very happy and laughing, than all of sudden I turn very moody and get upset, and mad at my husband. I just want to get better, I want to be happy, not sad no more. I have always wondered if I am the only person like this. I hope not.
If anyone has encouraging words to say, or advice, I would love to hear them! It helps when I talk, over the weekend I told my mom about my situation for the first time, and it felt so good to talk to someone.
~~~April
