Tania,
Perhaps taking a look at what exactly it is about her behavior that bothers you and come up with a plan to get around it at your next visit?
As you move through the program, you can take this one step further by completing a relationship inventory in Session 11
Danielle, Bilingual Support Specialist
Hi Tania,
Try not to shut your mother out of your life as if even as you say she brings you down with her own depression.
Try to limit your time with her, have you tried talking to her about the way you are feeling without bringing up her own depression?
As A Mother myself, I would hate it, absolutley hate it if I thought that my own depression would spark off theirs. I know it has an effect on them as they are concerned for me but I promise you that if i thought that either of my children were suffering in this way my 1st instinct would be to protect them.
Maybe if she knew how deep your depression lies and you told her that you cannot be around any negativity for a while so you can heal she may be able to hold herself together because she loves you.
i do hope so. Please talk to her.
Keep it about you and the way you feel and not accuse her as she obviously has her own issues to deal with.
Good luck. x
Tania,
It can be hard for people of earlier generations to understand and admit to depression. Instead of letting your mother bring you down because of she is suffering from depression, take advantage of all of the tools available for you. Think of yourself as lucky for living in an age where information is so abundant and depression is treatable. When you have learned all of the tools to help yourself than you can start to help your mother too.
Brenna
Bilingual Health Educator
I think that your mother will have more trouble seeking help or admitting depression because it was not accepted at all years ago. So for her to admit she is depressed is to admit a personal weakness, not an illness. In fact, when my brother killed himself years ago, my mother actually said that it was better than him having to go into a mental institution!!
It is hard for children to separate themselves from the foibles of their parents and visa versa. But you need to work at it.
I am fortunate in that all my children are stable and happy. I gave a great deal of thought to raising them and making sure they were resilient, that they could handle any crisis and be OK. I strongly believe that is much more important than trying to make them happy. Happiness comes and goes but resilience carries you though everything. I am now working on creating that same resilience in myself through the CBT.
Tania,
I think one of the biggest mistakes we make is allowing others to determine our emotional state. So many times the way I feel and the things that send me down that downward spiral are things that other people say and do.
We are in control of ourselves. When we allow ourselves to be controlled by others we are living for them not ourselves. I have had to limit the contact with those that have the biggest affect on me. I still talk to them but not as much because of the way they make me feel.
I hope this helps.
my mother has been depressed all her life. she makes my depression worse. she will not get any help and denies she is depressed. i feel that i wont get better as long as she is in my life.
