I haven't been on the site for over a year, I've generally been doing really well. Lately though, I've been having bad thoughts again. I keep thinking about how much I hate my step daughter. I think that I want her to just go to hell and I sware at her in my head. I don't want to be so angry with her. I tell her that the way she treats me is wrong andi don't like it. I tell her that her behavior is bad, I tell her I love her. I know deep down I do, but she is so cruel to me sometimes. I don't want to go back to the darkness again. I want to be happy. I know that today she was acting out because it's my daughters birthday tomorrow and she is jealous that all the attention will be on her sister and not her. I know this because she told us that she hates that it's her sisters birthday tomorrow and she won't be getting any attention. Is it ok to be so angry with her? I keep trying to love her, but she pushes back so hard. I feel like I am living with an abuser sometimes. I did a thought record and feel a better. It difficult though because I know that for the next two days she'll act like the devil in discuise. My plan is to tell her my expectations, tell her the consequences for bad behavior and try super hard to enjoy myself regardless of her poison. Wish me luck, strength and courage! I also emailed her therapist for suggestions on what I can do/say to her. She needs help too.
