I feel very blessed to have found this site. I am looking forward to learning any new advice that can assist me with my 35+ years of severe clinical depression, PTSD and horrific abuse I've suffered from.
Just this year alone, I've been hospitalized 3 times with suicidal thoughts and just wanting to check out of life. I've endured 20 ECT's that have ruined my life, NO memory and they never helped just made me worse. If I was in my right mind, I never would have agreed to this! I had a quack of a doctor, who would NOT listen to me when I told him I'd been on the same anti-depressant for years and was quite apparent it was not working. Instead of trying something new, he INCREASED my dosage by doubling it, put me on such high doses of sleep medication (4 separate medications) that I literally was not functioning. I told him that when I was hospitalized in June, that the best thing that seemed to help was the group therapy sessions. He told me to get a therapist, which I did, and we just did not mesh. It is so important to "click" with a therapist and I never had positive experiences with one on one therapy and I told him this. He immediately starting to "fry" my brain with ECT's, starting one day a week, then 2, then 3 a week. I told him blatantly that they were making me so much worse and so he increased the voltage and then went to bi-lateral treatment. My family was so worried about me, they were livid with what this "Psychiatrist" was doing to me. My Mom finally put an end to it, having my last one in late October. I have NO memory, none. Short & Long term is completely gone with no improvement what so ever. PLEASE, listen to me when I say that we have every right to FIRE a doctor and get another one. My last hospitalization was just about 6 weeks ago, I received a new Psychiatrist, whom immediately changed my medication and my sleep meds. I had been so drugged up, I slept 15 hours a day and was a vegetable. I was told that I should attend Intensive Out-Patient Therapy upon my release. For the love of God, this is what I had been begging for and NO one ever let me know any such program existed. It was the best thing that has helped me to date!! I participated 5 days a week for a total of 12 days. As of today, I have a new Psychiatrist whom was highly recommended from a family member, whom has removed 2 medications all together (including tapering off of the anti-depressant that was NOT working). While attending IOP I found a new therapist that "gets" me and we have a strong bound already. She asked if I've ever been through Psych Testing and I said no, never was offered. So, I went through 4 hours of Psych Testing last week. I have numerous personality disorders, which surprised the heck out of me! I will be going over the outcome of this testing with my therapist next week. I know in order to get better we must at times re-hash our story, but last week sucked the life out of me again. However, I do have a strong faith that it is for the best, in order to be diagnosed FINALLY in a correct manner. The issues will then be treated accordingly with lots of therapy and when needed medications changes to get what will work.
Thanks for listening....it releases such anxiety just knowing others care and I am not alone!
