Things seemed ok at first but I did not take long to realize this job was not what I was expecting. It was sold to me somewhat to be what it was not. I had put a lot into this change already and had very big expectations for a good change but it was not so. I bucked up and tried to put my head down but seems like each time I felt like I was getting ahead I fell right back down again. I started to feel like I had made the ultimate mistake for my family and I wanted to undo it.
I consider myself to be a kind hearted person, funny and outgoing. However in the last two years it has only been sporadic when I have felt like that consistently. I have recently had another problem at work where I feel like I am being bullied and I am almost ashamed to talk about it saying things to myself like....”this can’t happen, not to me” , and “men don’t get bullied”. It has been a difficult run especially recently.
I have also in this time frame started some addictive type behaviors which are not healthy. I believe all in an effort to make myself feel better in the short term as a result of the stress of the other things happening around me. I have read some articles about depression and other things and I am struggling to justify asking for help because I keep telling myself “I don’t need it” and “what do you need help for exactly”. I don’t talk to my wife about my problems because I don’t want to worry her and have never really talked about anything of this sort with her. I feel like I am exposing my weakness to her and I want to be the strong one always for when she needs it.
Not sure where a good place to start would be. Any suggestions.
