Its been too long since I've been on this site, and responded to your message. We went on a family vacation so that took me away from the computer for 10 days. while the vacation was relaxing and helpful in some aspects, it was also a small source of stress. We travelled with my husbands family, and while it was great to have help with my toddler and a break from the normal stressors. 10 days with my in-laws as much as i wanted to handle.
About my relationship. I have talked to my husband about this. I don't think he really understands. He sees my frustration and me getting upset as a case of the boy who cries wolf....its like he is so use to seeing me upset and frustrated that he shrugs it off. He tells me he will change and that things will get better. However the next day seems to be the same as the day before.
We have had some better days though, I've asked him to help out a little more around the house, and he has. but i find i need to give the constant reminder. For once i wish he would just get up and but the baby to bed, or put away the dishes without me 'nagging'. i have come up with some ideas of things we could do together so that these better days continue, i just hope we follow through with them
Wow, working full time, having a toddler, working on this program and dealing with stress and depression is an awful lot! I admire you for continuing to push yourself when you already have so much on your plate. Just keep trying and you will eventually get it done. Please reward yourself and celebrate whenever you work on the program. You deserve to give yourself some recognition for all your hard work and continued effort. I think you are doing amazing!
About what you wrote about your relationship, I think you are very insightful on what you feel is lacking in your relationship. How have you tried to convey these thoughts to your husband? If you haven't talked to him yet about this, how do you want to bring it up? You deserve to have recognition! That being said, nothing can change unless it is first acknowledged. Be sure to let him know what you want - the more specific you can be with this, the better!
i haven't been doing my homework for this program...im still stuck on week 1 trying to complete activity schedules. Lately im famous for starting something and falling off track. I'm the mother of a very busy toddler, and im working full time. I just find by the time i get home im so exhausted and unmotivated that we eat supper, the baby goes to bed, im tired and frustrated with my husband. .
To answer your question im not sure what id like my husband to do to help with this. i want to feel more settled when we are just in the room being together,. Instead im frustrated because i feel like everything i do for our family is taken for granted. I guess i want to feel more recognition My husband is not a talker...he is and always has been quiet. I'm the opposite, and i interpret his silence as not wanting me there with him. i guess i don't know how to accept or deal with his actions and how to feel more settled when we are together. im not good with time alone with my own thoughts. my mind races and i take everything personally.
So back to where i am in this program...im going to try and finish week 1. I don't want to give up...because thats what i usually end up doing...i sometimes feel people expect me to give up
What specifically would you like your husband to do to help with this? Often in relationships it is more helpful to focus on what you want as opposed to what you don't want. So what would he have to do to make you feel less lonely? What specific actions? It may be hard to think of something right off the top of your head but put some serious thought into it. Also, make sure it is a positive sentence. For example, you don't want to say, I don't want to watch TV when he gets home. Instead, I would like him to spend at least 30 minutes a day talking to me. Once you know this you can work with him to get your needs met. It might be helpful if you start with your feelings, explain your needs that are not getting met and then say a specific action he could take to help. Follow up with explaining a "reward" he will gain for making this change. For example, you could say, I feel lonely when you watch TV most of the night. I feel like I need to connect with you. Tomorrow could we spend 30 minutes going for a walk together where we can talk just the two of us? If we are able to work together on this I really think it will help my mood. What do you think of this approach?
You mentioned that you feel you had nothing to do....let's play for a moment. If you had what you would conisder a "perfect" life where you were no longer lonely what would you be doing day to day? What specifically? Not only the times when you are with people but when you are alone what would you be doing?
It varies, my husband works a lot and sometimes when he is home he spends a lot of time on his computer or watching TV. I tell him about how lonely it feels when he does such things, but he doesn't seem to understand. I feel like he think jsut by having him in the house i shouldnt feel alone. Instead it makes me feel worse because i feel like he doesn't want to spend the time with me.
I also feel like im being avoided by friends and my in-laws. I feel like i have to make the effort to visit or phone someone. I feel as if i have nothing to do
I am glad you found us. It sounds like you are putting a lot of work into getting well. That's quite a feat when is it likely very hard right now. Your strength will really serve you in finding your way to wellness. Please know you are not alone. We are always here to read what's on your mind. Be sure to post in other members threads, the more you put into the forum the more you gain.
Tell me a bit about the loneliness. When do you experience it? What is it like?
This is Day 1 for me in my personal goal to get in a better place. Most days i feel depressed, anxiety and most of all just down right lonely. I am married and mother of 1...my 1st. I won't disagree that some of what I'm feeling is postpartum..however these feelings go back to before i had my child. My husband has said many times I'm not as happy as i was when we met. i was happy back then, but over time I've felt lonely. Strange how you find someone and then become alone. The thing is when we met, i moved to a different city to be with him, i didn't have friends and i didn't have family and his job required him to travel for a month at a time. It made for lonely nights. We have since moved to his home town and have started a family. I have a few friends and his family which i thought was the answer and support i needed. Although i the few friends i have are very negative people, and while my in-laws help, they don't seem to be around when i need them. My husband helps, but i feel like sometimes he just doesn't get it. He doesn't understand my feeling of loneliness. He's a quiet guy and doesn't mind being alone...the opposite of how i use to be, i loved to be around people and to be involved in things. Since meeting my husband I've gained a lot of weight and that has added to my depression, I've tried multiple times to loose and I've failed at those attempts. I've been to see my family dr...who's suggestion was to 'find something to do'. Anyway I've come to terms that i am depressed...and that i need to get some help. I've since started going to a dietitian, who is very supportive and a great listener for more then my weight issues....and today I've found you guys. I hope this helps and I've challenged myself to be 100% committed to making the most of these 16 weeks.
