Hi Breezin & Cvdeb,
I'm doing much better with this. The thought records really helped. Plus the universe showed me some things last week that I needed to see.
I was at a party on Friday. I love being at parties post depression so I've been going to a lot of them. Anyway, I'm at this party and I was watching two couples. The first couple had two children, two beautiful little girls. However, the couple themselves were sitting on opposite ends of the couch, arms crossed, and leaning away from each other. For the entire night I never saw them look at each other, never saw them touch, and I never saw them truly speak to each other. The second 'couple' was a pair that I thought were dating, who acted like they were dating, but who claimed (the females opinion) they were just friends. Anyway, there was lots of dancing at the end of the party. This dude was sitting there, with his arms crossed, and sending negative energy into the room, I could feel it. The girl was dancing and having a great time. Then the dude gets up and starts to leave and a heavy conversation ensues and the girls stops dancing. However, every time they left the room she got up and started to have fun again.
Watching this unfold was a big help. First, I was aware, I was learning, and I knew better. This was new to me. Second, I saw myself in both of these couples. I deserve better and my partner deserves better, we need to be present together, to appreciate and trust each other. This was new to me. I realized that I deserve to be with someone who treats me with respect and I need to do the same. I need to value the beauty that is a relationship and not pout, get angry, get jealous etc. I realized that I am so different than I used to be. This really helped me to let go. I can't ever be in the relationship I was in before because I am so different now, I want different things now, and I have grown too much. This felt so positive.
Then, on Tuesday of this week I watched Avatar. Watching this movie I recognized that my life has so much purpose now. I live for something so much bigger than profit, my job, the drama of the world (who likes who, who owns what etc...). All this petty stuff that troubled my mind is so meaningless in comparison to the beauty of life, our world, the universe, the energy that we all are. I just can't be bothered by petty things anymore.
I've been able to reconnect with almost all of my friends and so far they've all loved the changes in me. It's been nice. For those that can't follow me on my new journey I simply offer my love and wish them a wonderful journey.
A.
