Thanks for your reply Reset,
I am sorry you are dealing with this. Dealing with a bully can be very stressful. I hope you are taking good care of yourself. Also, is their anyone in HR at your work you could talk to about this? They may be able to intervene on your behalf or at least talk to you about your options.
Take care,
Ashley
Hi Ashley,
You ask, what makes me post this today.
I posted this as a continuation of my story from the earlier posts of this thread. I wanted to tell more about why my job makes me soooo sick.
There is a systemic bullying. Not just against me, but also others. It took me however a loooong time to recognise this. Anyway, it does not help too much to know that. The bosses are too good and too mean.
To be mean, is just to much of a second nature, they just talk this language and don't understand any other.
As you say, empathy is definitely missing, but it is a constructed, conscious empathy-loss. A decision-based. They decided this way. At some point in their life maybe. There are too many intrigues and you can't believe anything any more. Don't ask for details, as there are sooo many of them, the list is endless. I was thinking about their character a lot. Not much of a progress, but I tend to believe, they must have experienced something very similar in their life earlier, which thought them that this is the way to go. Bullying. Actually bossing.
So yes, I will open a new thread with my earlier post, as you say, for others to better spot this topic, in case of interest.
Thank you Ashley!
Great discussion topic Reset! You might want to post all your thoughts in a separate discussion titled "bullying"; so that more members who may be impacted by bullying can spot it easily. I am sure many other people have lots to share on this topic.
There is so much that can be said on the topic of bullying. I recently found this article: https://www.verywellfamily.com/skills-bullies-need-in-order-to-change-460529, which touches on a few of your questions. The big point that jumped out to me from the article was that in order for a bully to change they need to have empathy. With a rise in narcissism (lack of empathy) in today's society we may also be seeing a rise in bullying? I am also seeing a lot more discussion on the importance of teaching children empathy from a young age. In my opinion, the more we talk about topics like this, the better. Knowledge is power.
What made you bring up with topic today?
Ashley
OK, so the name of the game is: bullying. Or better: bossing - which is the same as bullying, with the difference that it comes from you boss...
how could I let it come so far....?!?!??
how many of us are dealing with that silently?
how do others cope with that?
and how can bullying (or bossing) consume all of your energy until there's nothing left from who you have been?
how can it ruin everything in your life?
why do people decide to become bullyers and does it make them really happy? Or do they somehow feel better, safer, when destroying the life of others?
what kind of personality lies behind that and at which point in their life did they understand or decide, they need to do this way?
is it a sort of a revenge? Against their old enemies from their past?
do these people really live, or are they just stuck with their own past and have no self-critic to see hiw they behave in the present?
do they care about the present at all?
how can you help them to let go of it, so they let the world be what it is, without their destructive contribution?
You are very welcome. Thank you for your reply. I look forward to reading more from you when you are ready.
Take care,
Ashley
Hi Ashley,
Thank you so much for your kind words.
They helped me a lot.
As soon as I have more energy, I will post more. Promise.
Hi reset,
Of course you did not hurt, offend or destroy anything. I was very taken in by what you wrote. Thank you for writing out your thoughts and feelings so honestly. I can hear you are feeling very lost and hopeless right now. It also sounds like you feel very isolated and uncertain. That is a very painful place to be. I am glad you had the courage to post here. You are not alone. I can also see you have already started the program. Great work! Considering how you are feeling, I think this is a huge achievement. Each session will help you to see things more clearly. Please let us know if you have any thoughts or questions about the program. I would be happy to help.
When depressed it can seem impossible to do anything. Motivation is usually always lacking when depressed. That is why I think it is so amazing that you were able to apply for a new job. Getting an interview is another achievement in my books; especially in today's economy! I think you need to give yourself lots more credit for applying and going to interviews. The experience itself is great for learning and practice. It sounds like you feel your work environment is unhealthy for you and you have decided to leave. Having a decision is another big positive. You know what you need to do, you now have the difficult task of working towards this. I know you do not feel ready to work on this right now. When you feel ready to try again please continue to post here, so we can help you to have a positive mindset. Remember, you just need to find one job, just one. It is common for people to have to have many, many interviews before landing a job. The fact that you already had interviews after just one application is very hopeful.
It sounds like you could really use more social connection. Posting here is great. You may also want to consider counselling. Medication is helpful, when you add counselling, you normally see greater results. I also don't want you to give up on other people. There are so many people in the world like you, who feel alone, who need people to just listen. I am certain many people need you just as much as you need them. You just need to find them. I know, easier said then done. Just don't give up on yourself and those other people. Sometimes it takes just one person to change our lives for the better. You never know what the future holds. I know you want to give up, but you are posting here so that tells me you still have strength and resilience to push forward.
Getting well enough to start to see some hope is an essential work in progress. Posting here and working on the program is an achievement. Please reward yourself for this work. I look forward to reading more from you. You are a great writer.
Ashley
If you ever feel like you are in immediate danger of harming yourself please call 911. If you are having thoughts of harming yourself or if you just need to talk to someone immediately please contact a crisis line. They are extremely helpful.
If you are located in Canada check out this website and crisis line:
https://www.crisisservicescanada.ca/en/ 1-833-456-4566
If you are located in the US, check out this website and line:
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ 1-800-273-8255
Ok, so I don't know how I will cope with this setback.
My job makes me just soo sick.
Started taking antidepressants while on sick leave, and hey, they started working.. wow. It was so great for a few days.
And then, return to work, and here you go, the depression was back within just 1 day. Despite meds. It's all the same again as it's been since 8 years now, since being in this job. The same sick and sicker games.
Applied now for a new job. Didn't have energy to apply for multiple ones, just for one. And I was considered, during several rounds of interviews. Wow. I was really surprised. There were indeed people considering my ruined self, for that job. I came very far in the process.
And now: the negative result: at the end, I won't get it. Someone else will, obviously. And it's OK, I am happy for that another person, to get this chance. Which is great for them.
I didn't know about other applicants. Somehow thought, they did not have any other applicants, and that is the reason, considering me, in the absence of others.
So I was trustful, to get a new chance, being pulled out of this misery. This systemic soul-distroyment that goes on there.
I had so high hopes, I really started trusting in any new fortune.
Now all of my energy has gone. Just gone. All my hopes. I cry all day. I am such a loser, who won't ever get out of this soul-killing atmosphere, and will just break more and more. Until there's nothing left from that person who it was. I have no hopes, no real hopes to ever be something even just similar as what I used to be.
I feel I don't fit anywhere. Like a nobody.
I am surely on the wrong place. But what would a right one look like? I really don't know.
Have no friends to discuss with. Not because I don't want, but just because I feel so worthless and so shy and just so-so the last ever person in this world, whose thoughts or even feelings would not count anyway, never.
I would love to have friends but it won't work. It never worked. I have no positive behaviour pattern to take as a reference. No single one.
If I had any, that was from the opposite sex, which then got misunderstood, what I don't want to risk anymore.
I feel so lost. So lost. So hopeless.
This whole work environment makes me just so so sick. We spend 80% of our times there - working. It matters where you are that much, who you talk to. And the more I stay there, the more I get ruined and the less chances I have to ever get the energy or the positive attitude it needs in order to find something that just does not ruin me more.
I have no idea where to take the energy, the positivity and the optimism for any new chances in my life.
It looks, the whole world has just turned against me. And it does not want to change its mind. It just keeps on picking on me.
It all sounds like the lyrics of a sad song with uncertain end and an uncertain track of history. But it's all true and all real.
The outlook for a change after 8 years were just so close, and now back to square 0.
And I'm just endlessly hopeless. Worthless.
No clue how I will survive this.
Should manage so many other things (well, family-financial-duties) outside of work - in addition.
But only how?
when will I break down and give up? And what will that look like for my loved ones? I don't want to do that to them.
Whom did I offend, hurt, or destroy anything so that everything rains on me?
