Luna,
What strength, courage, faith, and strong will you have. This addiction is something evil, just like any other addiction. We are just one puff away. We have to be on guard at all times. Thank you for posting it touched my heart. I know what you are speaking of when you talk about your Mom with Alzheimer's, my Father, now passed had this horrid disease.
Then you talk of your special friend Ann dying of lung cancer, I again know of what you speak. I lost my husband of this horrid disease. He lived 23 days after he was diagnosed, and watching him die right before you. He died March 31, 2005. At that time I had been quit for 4 months, with all the people here, just coming and going I just lost track of everything. One night every one was gone and I was by myself, just sitting at the dining room table. I look across the table and someone had left a pack of cigarettes, I thought nothing of it I went over and got them and just started smoking. I didn't feel guilty, I didn't feel anything. You see just six months before that I had lost a son, and a grandson. At the same time I had a sister dying of ovarian cancer. She died 10 days after my husband. I was just numb, nothing mattered to me anymore. I went into a deep depression, and closed it all inside. I thought if I kept it inside I wouldn't have to deal with all the grief and pain. Yes, I just kept on smoking. My daughter finally got me into counseling and that did help, and the medications helped.
Then about six months ago I thought I had something wrong with my heart, but it turned out to be panic attacks, so I am back seeing a counselor and also group therapy. I'm finally facing reality, what ever that is. My Dr thought the group therapy would be good for me to see how other people are coping with their grief and pain. Well, Thur night was my first night. It was very emotional, my son went with me because he also needed to go because the grandson I lost was his son. Well about half way through he got up and left, he hasn't dealt with his grief either. Well by the time it was over I was so emotional, crying, angry, and I wanted a cigarette go bad. When I went to the car I told my son to stop at the store and buy me a pack. He is a non smoker, and he refused to stop. Luna,
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Quit Meter
$231,219.56
Amount Saved
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Quit Meter
Days: 6766
Hours: 9
Minutes: 30
Seconds: 36
Life Gained
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Quit Meter
45673
Smoke Free Days
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Quit Meter
685,095
Cigarettes Not Smoked