I've been working through the program here and seems I'm not ready to quit according to the program. I really want to, but still my reasons to quit are not more important than my reasons not to. I'm tired of having nightmares that I have cancer or a stroke. I'm embarrassed that I smoke and that I smell and my teeth are yellow and my breath stinks. I am just so afraid of quitting. I've tried before and well just wasn't prepared for it all. The stress, the cravings, the weight gain.....I have a lot on my plate now...a new job, classes to finish for that job, 2 girls in school and activities, a husband, a household to run...in the past these things suffered when I tried to quit and just gave up the quitting to undo the chaos it created. Does that make sense?
I don't see myself as a smoker (but I do) I am usually embarrassed when new people meet me and find out I smoke. As a parent and a smoker that makes me very self conscious. For some reason though I find it so hard to walk away and in this case to just begin.
I feel torn in two. Sorry the program said to talk to the forum about this so here I am.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
