i wasnt going to write anything more this evening, i feel like i've taken over the boards a bit - its late where i am, and i am finding it difficult - being at home on my own and a two minute walk from several places to buy alcoholic beverages is taking its toll and the reason i am on here is because i felt bored, so i have been reading the posts - then i came accross this post and "I'm bored if i dont drink" it got me to thinking of what i have done in the past two days.
It started on night one, where i drank one and a half bottles of wine, and 6 shots of vodka - one in a small plastic bottle whilst walking home, warm ropey vodka - that made me want to be sick straight away. i started on another bottle (boyfriend did drink some) had one glass before passing out fully dressed.
So day one: woke up with hangover, felt sorry for myself, had a high temperature and was violently sick for about 15 minutes. ate my way through four packets of crisps, said goodbye to my boyfriend who was going away for a few days, instantly after he left went and brought wine drank two bottles. I watched a bit of TV but from just after 4pm to when i passed out - i dont really remember doing much of anything, i had to look at my phone the next day to see how i called.
day two (today) woke up feeling the worse i have ever felt, am petrified at what i have become i spent all day crying sobbing, shaking, feeling sick, throwing up and having diahorea - have been in bed all day and its the second day where i havent even washed - as i feel so ashamed and this is ridiculous - i should really go and have a nice warm bath, but i am suffering which such a high level of paranoia that i am too scared to have a bath in case the lights go out or i have a break in - i know this is ridiculous.
So far i cant see anything in the above that associates fun with my drinkning - I think two days ago, if i had seen your post i would have been "yep, thats right how can i have fun without drinking" looking at what i have just written, my thought now is "how the hell did i ever have any fun when i was drinking"
i dont know how or why it happened today, but something has clicked in my mind - and i feel so relieved.