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for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 6

Thnx Ann-Marie, I truly feel welcome, this site makes me feel warm. There is certainly lots of caring people who come into this site. I am currently being diagnosed, my psychiatrist thinks I may have paranoid Schitzophrenia, I also have Drug-Induced Psychosis, Bi-Polar Disorder, Social and Generalized Anxiety Disorders. I am also on about 15 pills a day to control my angry outbursts, I'm quite confused most of the time, and also suicidal at times. I don't have contact with my biological father, my mother and stepfather live in Melbourne Australia, I live in Taupo New Zealand. I am in a depressive state at the moment it gets so lonely, as I am isolated by myself for most of the day until my grandmother gets home from a long day of work. I'm so sad :-( I want to be well again, any hints? I am 21 yrs old regards Angelique

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 7

well no one that I know off in my family suffers or suffered with depression, I have suffered for along time like the rest of you..I now know that I am depressed and always have suffered with depression, and its accepting it that makes it easier to bear..

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3

Hi Anne Marie! I´ve been thinking a lot about the difference between being alone and being isolated... This period of my life has been a very difficult one, I usually feel as been living at a concentration camp! I´ve some acquaintances and I´m very outgoing with the people I meet in the supermarket, in the restaurants or in the CVS (by know I´ve become a well known person in the neighborhood), but I feel it´s not enough. Three weeks ago I attended a Sunday service at a Methodist Church, the people down there was very welcoming and I talked with some of them, but I didn´t feel I could fit in this community. I´ve been looking for a job, but so far I haven´t got anyone yet. I really have the hope that I will find one, and that everything will get better for me. Having a job will give me not only money, which I also need, but also a place where I could feel helpful and develop some friends. So, by now most of my focus is in getting a job, which has become very difficult. Sometimes I feel very desperate, but I don´t give up: I am always looking for job opportunities and sending application letters. I hope that one, of the more than 20 I have sent by now, will like to hire me. I still smoking, some days I am able to cutback at the half (10-12), some others I smoke as usual (20-25)!!! I also increased my Fluoxac dose (from 20mg to 25mg) and, might be mental, but I am feeling better. So, I am not giving up: I still looking for a job, trying to feel as good as possible, and keeping myself busy and with uplifting thoughts. I also think that once I get a job and have a more stable life, I would be able to stop smoking (I don´t feel confident enough to do it now). Thank you so much for all your help.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1062

It's tough to be away from home and especailly if alone. Do you have any contacts, friends at all where you are? How do you plan to avoid isolation, a big mental enemy, in my opinion?

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3

Hi Anne Marie. Thank you for your answer. No, I haven´t seeing a therapist for about 5 months. I think that I was able to handle all my life situations because I used to see a very good one, at least once a week. Currently I am not in my country, so I haven´t been under therapy for this period of time. The first three months I was doing OK, using different tools that I´ve developed for being OK. But two months ago, some stressful situations started to happen in my new life. At the begining I was able to handle them, but one I day, after all the struggling, I couldn´t handle it anymore and I re-started to eat and smoke with compulsion. I know that these are old learnt behaviors and that under lots of stress they reappear as the first and primitive tools we learnt to cope with stress. So, I am not in my country, I am alone almost all the time and I am going thru very challenging situations. But, nevertheless I want to make it. I don´t want to fail. The last week I began to acquire an objective perspective of my situation, and I began to work with myself. I bought some Art Therapy books and I am doing the exercises both recommend to cope with stress and conflicts. So, I am feeling better. I haven´t stop smoking so far, but during the day, sometimes, I am able to delay some cigarettes. Regarding what I eat, I am trying to eat good food and to have nice walks every day. I know that I can´t lose the extra pounds that I´ve gained from one day to the other one. It is a process. And what I am going thru is only a relapse in my life, not a final situation. So, here I am again, trying to remember and to apply in my life the good/healthy tools I´ve learnt before. Living my life as a process and with gratitude for everything I have and I´ve learnt. This site and the Stop Smoking one are very uplifting and make me feel that I am not alone. Thank you so much.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 1062

Hi, Andaluza. I'm not a therapist, but I think a therapist is the way to go in dealing with OCD behaviors. Have you been to see one?

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 3

Hello Anne Marie! I discovered this site thru the Stop Smoking Center. Well, I just did the Depression Test and the results showed that I am not currently depressed. But, because I have a family story with depression, plus several periods of depression, I´ve been taking Fluoxac (20mg x day) for several years. (Once I quitted for about a year and it was awful, I gained about 30 pounds and I was feeling terrible!!!). Since then I don´t leave the Fluoxac for any reason, I wouldn´t like to feel that bad again. So, the Depression Test said I´m not currently depressed, but it showed, and I knew it, that I am very obsessive and that I have some routines (checking the locks or the stove; doing list about how much I eat or how much I smoke; think over and over about "what he/she said or meant")that, until now, I haven´t been able to avoid. What does this kind of behavior shows? How I can get rid of it? Besides the checking of the locks or the stove, one month ago I restarted smoking (after 10 years of quitting), so I am following the Stop Smoking Program, but now I find myself doing lists not only about how much do I eat (I am so afraid of get fat, I suffered a lot because of it since I was a child, with all the social rejection that this causes...), now I am writing lists, and getting more anxious, about how much I am smoking. So now I feel like if I´ve been swallowed by my compulsive behaviors; feeling out of control, without quitting the cigarrettes (just doing lists)or stopping the compulsive eating. I am again in an addictive circle... Eating to stop smoking or smoking to stop eating!!!! In the last 13 years I´ve done a lot of self-work (therapies, yoga, etc) with vey good results, but now I am catched again!!! (Thanks God I am not drinking again; I was addicted to alcohol for several years and I stopped it around 12 years ago). What a story!!! Please, I need your help: How I can stop this dark addictive circle? Is there a way to stop this compulsive behavior? What is first, the eating or the smoking? Both at the time? Thank you for reading. I am looking forward to hear from you.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 9

Hi Rain, I talked to my doctor today. He said to increase the Lexapro to 10 mg 2x a day. Could you go on disability until you get regulated? My email is bastri@peoplepc.com if you want to talk and compare our progress.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 4

Yes, I'm tired too, and would just as soon stay in bed. The really sad thing is that I was in Austria the last two weeks, and I just wanted to stay in bed there too. I remember when I was a kid, my mom used to sleep all the time, every day. And now I can relate to that, and could easily do it if I didn't have a job and bills. In order to do that, I have to struggle to pull my head out of the fog...constantly. I'm constantly wondering what I was supposed to be doing at work...specific tasks, not in general. I hope there's a medicinal combination that will work for me, but I am starting to worry about it.

for 21 år siden 0 +0 / -0 9

I was taking 150 mg Wellbutrin 2x a day and 1 mg clonazepam 2x a day. I was sad and crying and just wanted to crawl in bed and stay there. My doctor increased the Wellbutrin to 200 mg 2x a day and added 10 mg Lexapro 1x a day almost a week ago. I'm not crying as much but I'm so tired, can't concentrate, uptight all the time and I still just want to crawl in bed and stay there. Don't want to see or talk to anyone or do anything. I'm tired of living like this too!!!

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