Hi: I've not posted here before but got the link from the "Quit Smoking Support Group" website. I am not trying to quit smoking....but I was depressed before that..this just only adds to it because I failed my first attempt to stop.
I'm not sure if I should be at this site or not. I don't know if I have "major" depression. I don't have anxiety attacks...I do get scared at times though and my heart races. It's when I think "what if I STAY in this state of mind?" I feel VERY good for sometimes weeks on end. Then I (yet again) get where I am now. I just don't seem "to care" about anything. I will go days at a time (I'm ashamed to say) without getting dressed, fixing my hair, brushing my teeth, etc. I even have many times when I am out of food, but I just can't make myself get dressed to go to the store...so I order a pizza. I am getting SO tired of pizza!! I was taking Zoloft, but I stop taking it when I "feel good". I started taking it again 3 days ago.
I just can't seem to "make" myself do anything OR WANT to do anything. I'm behind on my housework and many things I need to do.....then I get even MORE depressed about that. I can spend 2 or 3 days in bed just watching TV and then hate myself for "giving in" to this. I don't know WHY I do that. I then feel lazy (which I know I'm not) and then that adds to the depression. I have a home-based business I've had now for over 11 years. I am ONLY "happy" (for lack of a better word) when I am working. I don't have any problem with that....or when I am with my kids or grandkids. I am 59, live alone, work at home because I am "disabled" (I hate that word...because I AM 'able' because I work), and have 5 grandchildren from age 24 years to 10 months. None of them have any idea about my depression....I would be too ashamed to tell them. Plus, what could they do anyway?
I'm sorry for writing such a long post, but I thought I should explain things on my first visit here to see if I SHOULD be here.....if I am "depressed enough" to be here. I sure hope someone can give me a hint as to how in the WORLD to "snap out of this".....which I already know a person can't just do. It would be like "OH....now why didn't I think of THAT???"
Thanks for any advice you can give me. I'm getting tired of