Dear me,
It sounds like you are going through a very hard time right now. This site wasn't designed to help people in a crisis or emergency situation. Please read the section on "Suicide" at The Depression Center and get the kind of help you need. If that is asking too much, then please call your local crisis line or go to the nearest hosptial to access the help you need.
I am going to close down this discussion now, as we do not believe that people in crisis can access the kind of help that they need here.
Sincerely
Melanie
