Craig, You are very welcome, but I mean those words very sincerely, based on my personal experience. I passed the PA bar exam and the patent bar exam. I retook PA a second time so I know the pain in retaking a bar exam. PA, though, is much easier than CA in terms of pass rates. (Even though our February bar exam had a pass rate of about 50%, I don't think it's a very hard test (in terms of stats anyway) since there is a 70% overall pass rate in July. The February pass rate is lower because of the large numbers of repeaters that take the exam. The pass rate for first time takers is only a few % points lower in Feb. compared to July.) Yes, passing one state's bar exam is relieving, but all of my opportunities (potential or otherwise) seem to be out in California. I also feel fortunate to have the patent bar out of the way. . . . . I'm headed to CA tomorrow...just in time for the big push..... Studying for the bar exam is extremely stressful....I know you know this. And, it sounds like you have some large hills to climb from what you just told me. (Thank God you're tackling the problem though. So many people, perhaps even myself, have really "bad quirks" which are undiagnosed, untreated, etc. (Treatment would be my next step, but I cannot afford it right now. I remember two few times I spent in psychotherapy paying a Ph.D. psychologist $100 for the hour session (saw her about learning anxiety).)) I give you all the credit in the world for seeking solutions to your problems - many people never do. Also, your proactive moves take a lot of guts. What we do in this final week is crucial as to whether we pass or fail. Easier said than done, perhaps, and as stressful as it might be, put in every ounce of effort you can. These last moments are really very critical. In a way, I am very glad that I am going all the way across the country, away from my family and friends, etc...away from my safety net...and plunging myself into really icy and unpleasant waters so that I'm forced to do beyond what I felt precluded from doing before....pushing myself to the level (and beyond) of where I should be. I never understood the advice before about getting your own hotel room a week or two before the bar, but that's how I made it in Februa

hi craig, i'm a new member here. i'm 21 years old, i feel like a big loser in the world and doesn't have a future. I supposed 2 go 2 college, but i recently stopped studying since 4 months ago. and i've been changing my subjects 4 times in 2.5 years. i just couldn't decide what i really wanna do. every subject seems interesting 4 the first 3 months, and suddenly i was just wanna stay home and do nothing. i tried to understand my own behaviour, and I just went crazy, couldn't really figure it out what happened with me. i never take a medicine like most of people here, cause i don't want 2 addicted 2 it. that's why i didn't make my way 2 see a doctor. i lived in sydney,Aust. but i'm originally from one of Asian country. i lived with my boyfriend, and I always thought that he hates me, and doesn't wanna stay with me anymore. we arguing almost everyday, usually for my negative thoughts. i just feel nobody understand me and they trying to push me away from this planet. i couldn't fight my negative thoughts. what should I do???

Maru, Thank you for your detailed messages, especially your encouraging words. I'll remember what you wrote when that little negative voice inside me tells me it's hopeless, that I can't pass the bar no matter what. I'm not living in a fantasy world---I know the odds are against me and that can get to me at times, but I'm not going down without a fight! I've often wondered why I failed the bar two times since I made it through law school. Actually, in terms of the bar, depression is not my biggest mental health problem---what's worse than depression as far as the bar goes for me is anxiety. In addition to Major Depressive Disorder with Psychotic Features, Dysthymic Disorder, and Personality Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified with Dependent and Avoidant traits, I also have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), which is at its worst in stressful situations. All of the above (and that's a lot!) make it difficult to concentrate, stay focused, and take tests. I wish you the best of luck on the bar exam. At least you already passed another state's bar exam---that's something to be proud of. What state did you pass the bar in? Take care. Craig

Craig, I think it's awesome that you're still determined to succeed. It takes a lot of guts to retake the bar exam. Many people give up. I think that you are definitely close to passing the exam, esp. given your attitude. A lot of people would not have had your determination to even try. You are also more fiercely focused than a lot of other Calif bar exam applicants. From a third person's point of view, I think you definitely have what it takes to succeed.

Michelle, Thanks for writing! I understand how you feel because I am preparing for the California Bar Exam and I'm trying to squelch negatives thoughts and have a positive attitutude which is hard to do. In my case, I've already failed the bar exam twice so I'm trying to pass on my third attempt. Sometimes I feel like no matter how hard I try, I'm going to fail. Other times I think if I just give it all I've got I can make it. One thing we both need to avoid is self-defeating attitudes and behavior. If you give up now, there no way you can pass the bar. So whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP![size=4]Text[/size]

I'm another California bar taker. I've been through a lot of the things which Craig and Michelle have stated. How anyone can keep in their head all of the rules of law plus exceptions is really beyond me. I'm a licensed attorney in another state and as a patent attorney. But, even with that, I really am not sure if I can pass the California bar. The California essays are rather tricky in that sometimes the issues are hidden. At least, they are compared to the other state that I'm licensed in. Tons of self talk, negativity, forgetting massive amounts of material, IMO, is very natural. The real test is how you perform under pressure. I have a combination of freezing under extreme pressure and at other times doing extremely well. I totally understand all that Craig was talking about. California is, by reputation, one of the hardest bar exams in the country. I don't think that it's atypical for someone to fail the CA bar exam once or twice or more times. Some people can never, ever pass it, yet they (as I've heard) became very successful attorneys in other states. Yes, law school, in a way, is an achievement, but I can totally understand the pressure you feel, Craig, in not being licensed. Even though I am licensed in another state, all of my employer interest has been out in California, which is why I am taking the Calif. bar exam this July. I graduated over a year ago and I have yet to find any legal position anywhere and have received hundreds of rejection letters nationwide. I do fight major depression a lot and I was through the abuse, bullying, and other unpleasant events. All of this does not make my preparation any easier. Though I passed the patent bar exam and another state's bar exam - not as hard as CA's - I don't feel I have achieved much because I am just not raking in any dough, so there is very little benefit or value in my having done these things. Also, setting up solo practice takes a lot of money among other things. Anyway, I totally understand what it feels like to not achieve. Yes, I have heard many people say that something will turn up, but it's been over a year in terms of my looking through all sorts of means. All of this work could be for naught. Every year, there always is someone that canno

Craig!!!!! I just signed up for this group and I could have wrote your post verbatim. I am a law school graduate. I am preparing for the bar exam. I have the EXACT NEGATIVE THOUGHTS as you do. I believe that I won't pass so I don't even want to try anymore. I spent my entire life being told I was a complete failure, being bullied in school (I was severely obese and now I'm thin) and being rejected by everyone. I made it through law school but barely due to self defeating behavior. I was constantly feeling as though I was not smart enough or not quick enough or couldn't analyze anything right, etc. I constantly feel as though my life is falling apart. I wonder what my future holds if I don't pass the bar and I always wonder who the heck will hire me if I do? I don't feel motivated to work, I feel like sleeping and just putting a blanket over my head. I have tons of debt and I'm probably going to end up working at a fast food restaurant if I keep this up. I am obsessed with control. I live my life in black and white. I hate not knowing and having a test determine my future. I hate trying anything if I don't know whether I will succeed or not. Why am I telling you all this? Just to let you know that you are not alone. I, too, am in your exact position. I feel sad and alone and scared and yes, suicidal at times. I was diagnosed as Bipolar type II rapid cycling with borderline personality disorder. It's a mouthful alright. Please get back with me. I would love to talk to someone who is in the same boat per se as me. by the way, I'm in sacramento. MichelleR

Yesterday I felt severely depressed and stressed out. Fortunately, I had an appointment to see my psychiatrist later in the day. At one point of my session with my psychiatrist, I was so full of anxiety about the bar exam that I could barely talk. As far as I know, open book is not an accomodation option for the bar exam. In any event, the deadline for accomodation requests was yesterday and I did request more accomodations than I did last time I took the bar exam. My psychiatrist wrote a 4-page letter summarizing my psychiatric history in which she wrote that I should not do more than 6 hours of testing per day due to my tendency to get physically and mentally enhausted and my auditory hallucinations. So I requested 3 days of 6 hours each and 2 days of 4.5 hours each for a total of 27 hours of testing over 5 days. Last time I had 2 9 hour days and 2 4.5 hour days and that didn't work well for me at all. So at least my accomodations should be better this time.

Oops, I misunderstood. I wondered if the rules might also be norms you apply when performing such and such, so didn't want to presume. You're living through a really stressful period, Craig. I don't know any lawyers who ever claimed they breezed through the bar exam period. I don't envy you. It's important you not program yourself for failure, but rather keep on working on finding solutions to the memory problem. If in the future you would not need to rely on memory but could look up a reference easily enough, would the examining body take this into consideration and allow you some sort of open book or cheat sheet? A letter from your doctor perhaps might help as well? If the memory is an exam disability as opposed to a future performance disability (depending on what you will be doing) then why not go for it? Do you have to be on official disability pension before being given that consideration?

Sometimes I'll get a question wrong because I can't remember the rule (the law). This ****es me off because I've recently reviewed all of the material in that subject just like I reviewed a few months ago for the last exam. What's even more frustrating is that far too often I know the rule but I still get it wrong anyway because my self confidence is so low that I don't trust my memory, judgment, and intuition. Then I think that the reason I keep getting these wrong is that my Major Depressive Disorder, Dystthymic Disorder, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder has made me mentally disabled, which is why I can't remember information and concentrate effectively. I have really hit a low point emotionally. I hate my studies, I hate the bar exam, and I hate my life! I'm sick and tired of dealing with this ****! This is not how I want to live. My life has become a nightmare of misery and I feel locked into this terrible routine. Right now I don't see a way out of this mess I'm in.