If the problem is that you know the rule but forget to think of it, as opposed to forgetting what the rule is, then here's a suggestion to help with that. 1. Memory Props. Form a new exam routine. The routine consists of doing 2 things. The first is to put your pen down after each question, before you think of the next one. Before you pick it up again, snap a comfortable-fitting elastic band you'll wear on your wrist. Do not pick up the pen to answer until you are satisfied you know the rule. 2. Another is to being a large marble (or something that does not belong on an exam desk and won't roll off perhaps? --no paper clips or writing-related items) into the exam with you and place it on the desk. Before handing in your paper, the marble will remind you to check to see if you applied the rules. Of course, if you have to re-write several answers, it will take time maybe, but you can use something like these two items as an innocent way to remind yourself. Am I off track or is it that you forget what the rule is?

For me the hardest negative thoughts to refute or get rid of are those associated with my various forms of mental illness. As I prepare for the bar exam, I do a lot of practice exams and I usually get failing scores on the multiple choice practice exams, which knocks my self esteem and self confidence down even lower. The negative self-talk goes something like this: "You failed again. You failed because you can't remember the rules. And you can't remember the rules because of your depression and there's nothing you can do about it." Sometimes I'll remember the rule but still get the question wrong because I find it hard to stay focused mentally and my self confidence is so shattered that I often do not trust my memory, judgment, and intuition and get questions wrong as a result. Any feedback or advice on this will be appreciated. Craig

Anne Marie, I know that the negative self talk is a bunch of bull**** but its ill effects are real so I take it seriously. It just so happens that yesterday I read a highly relevant section of Dr. Phil McGraw's Life Strategies book where he writes: It's essential that you identify your limiting beliefs, so that when one of them begins to rear its ugly head, you will recognize it and can react against it. Get to know your limiting beliefs so well that if one begins to show even a hint of its presence, alarms will go off and you will counteract it. . . If you will acknowledge that you've been holding on to certain fixed beliefs that cause you to think and behave in a rigid fashion, you can reopen those subject matters for more active evaluation. In any event, you can control your perceptions. Therefore, you control your interpretations of and attitudes about your life. That is power. (McGraw, Ph.D., Phillip C., Life Strategies: Doing What Works, Doing What Matters, pp 164, 166, Hyperion, New York, NY, 1999). I've been to Ontario, Canada (including Niagra Falls) a couple of times. I still haven't been to Quebec but would love to. My last visit to Ontario was in 1978 on a family trip to visit friends who lived in Agincourt. What I remember most is going to the Science Center, the tower downtown, a waterslide in Toronto, and a ferry ride to a nearby island on Lake Ontario. I was 14 and had lots of fun. Craig [color=Blue]Text[/color] :) :)[size=4]Text[/size]

Great. That sounds better, Craig. A doctorate is certainly not something to sneeze at! Now that you got the idea about countering negative self-talk in the first few sentences or as soon as you realize it, pitch those types of inner conversations in the trash where they belong. I agree that people and bullies in our childhood planted negative suggestions that we sometimes take years to overcome, simply because we innocently bought into it in the first place. Take an inventory every so often in the day to see what kind of thoughts and conversations you're entertaining. If they're negative or self-destructive, toss them out, and keep doing it. It'll require repetition and practice, but you'll find that over time you'll feel better about yourself and your energy levels won't take such a beating; and, suicide might just not enter your mind as often, hopefully not at all. I suspect that on the 'scale' of thinking, the negative side has been winning over the positive side too many times. Reverse that trend and go for better balance, one inner conversation at a time. Burdensome and negative thoughts are heavy and we actually do feel physically weighted down by them. When we are thinking positive, lighter thoughts, and when into constructive ones, we get a burst of energy and an adrenaline rush sometimes, the kind that keeps writers up all night until their creativity is exhausted. I know what you mean about bullies and messages we received when growing up though. That, and cheating spouses can do a number on one's self-esteem too, especially if we buy into the rejection message as opposed to other factors, in my opinion. Perhaps you can understand what Gerard (see the forum on Relationships) is going through? I was in your city a few years ago and loved it. Bet you've never been in mine. I moved here a week ago, to a little environmental and wildlife college town in Ontario, Canada, not far from Toronto. I was born in Quebec City, another historical place, thanks mainly to a US deportation by the trainload about 90 years ago of children from NYC to various places, including Quebec. I'd love to read up more on this. If you can recommend some books on the subject, email the support address below the forums?

Anne-Marie, Thank you for taking the time to give me such detailed and insightful feedback. I like the way you suggested I nip the negative self talk in the bud as soon as it starts so it doesn't get out of control. I counter my negative self talk by reminding myself that I am an intelligent, capable guy who graduated from law school with a Doctor of Jursiprudence degree. Four years ago, after I flunked out of law school due to my "marital problems" (my ex-wife had her first affair), I bounced back and made the Dean's List despite the fact that I was going through a bitter divorce. Before that I was a teacher for seven years and earned a Master's degree in History. My therapist and I have concluded that the reason for my self attacks and self loathing is that starting in my chilhood I internalized the criticism and verbal abuse that my parents and bullies at school directed at me. So like a lot of people, a lot of damage was done to me long before I ever went through any psychotherapy. I do believe that I can pass the bar exam. If I didn't believe I had a chance to make it I wouldn't even try. I didn't come this far to give up. It's just going to take a lot of discipline, determination, focus, and hard work. I do understand the material. Much of the problem is that one has to know a massive amount of information and I find that the mistakes I make during practice exams are often because I don't remember certain rulesof law and their exceptions completely. Then I wonder how can I possibly remember all this stuff?! I notice that I've been staying up too late (like right now), not getting enough sleep, which makes feel even more exhausted, so I need to start going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. I also need to spend more hours per day studying. I work out at Gorilla Sports a few days a week and I also do a lot of walking up and down steep hills. The work outs at the gym do help me lower my stress level. My birthday is coming up on June 11 and I hope to have a bit of fun at least. I'll be 39. Hard to believe I'll be 40 next year---I'm not too thrilled with getting older and being middle-aged. I've found that b

Hi Craig. Oh thanks for the heads up. I'll put up some site tips for the group to help with posting. Our server automatically times a person out after 30 minutes. The trick is to write the message, then copy it before submitting it. Then if you are prompted to log in, you do so and just paste it in. Your negative self talk really does take on a downward spiral of self-criticism. You sure do a number on yourself. Here are the sentences as you wrote them. 1. "I can't believe I flunked the bar exam again!" - OK, that's a normal thought. 2. "What the hell is my problem?" By putting in the word "my" in there, it's an invitation to self-criticism. See? However without it, at this stage, it could have been an objective enough question asking to focus in on "the" problem. By inviting self criticizing, you are carrying on the inner conversation by attacking youself and your character rather than looking at the nature of what's needed to pass the exam. So you veer away from finding solutions at this point and head in a self-attack mode instead. Here's where you can be objective rather than personal, and head off in a constructive tangent rather than the one you took. The second sentence kind of sets the mood for the rest of the inner conversation. Be aware of that so you can better look at it and change it around. 3. So failing to look at "the problem", then starts the self-criticism attack and it spirals downward from there at a rapid pace until you hit a bottom, the thought of suicide. Suicide is easy to think of seeing you've plunged downward in that direction anyway, see? "I should have done better. I should have known better." 4. Then the attack on your self-worth is added on. "I'm just not good enough to pass." etc etc. I have too many problems. I thought I was smart but I'm really a dumb ass." Wow, Craig, if you talked like that to anyone else, you'd get your lights punched out. Why do that to yourself? (Because you personalized the problem rather than looked objectively at it? that once you began that downward spiral of negativity, you had to land somewhere near the bottom?) I worked very hard for my degree and I imagine you did too. So, advocate for yourself, to youself here. Don't accept that b

Anne-Marie, I just spent the past hour or so writing you a reply and when I clicked on "Send Message" it not only didn't send, my entire message got erased! This is the second time this has happened since I joined the Depression Center. Anyway, here I go again . . . Here's an example of my negative thought patterns: "I can't believe I flunked the bar exam again! What the hell is my problem? I should have done better. I should have known better. I'm just not good enough to pass. I have too many problems. I thought I was smart but I'm really a dumb ass. I'm mentally ill. I'm depressed. I'm empty, low, and alone. I feel like a loser because I am a loser! I failed the bar exam like I failed at teaching, like my marriage was a failure. No matter what I do the world keeps knocking me down. I feel so humiliated and ashamed of myself." Does this help? I took your Depression Test today and my results were interesting but not surprising. It said that I should contact my doctor because of my generalized anxiety, social anxiety, and chronic depression. On the plus side: I have not been suicidal lately. Craig[color=Blue]Text[/color][size=4]Text[/size]

Wow, you sound like your own worst enemy. How about becoming your own best friend and booster instead? After all, to get to the bar exam, you didn't just skim through school, now did you? Give yourself tons of credit for getting that far. The rest may require a little more work, but that is the next step. If you suffer a setback, it isn't a total defeat, annoying and frustrating as it is. It's a setback, which means you have to find some other tools or method of getting there. I think it's awesome that with all you have on your plate, you can still go forward like you have been doing! And so should you. Be proud of your accomplishment. There will be more. All is not lost if you didn't pass an exam, is it? It's a pain in the keyster to have to go for it again, but you can do it next time. Do you have a mentor or someone who can coach you for it? During one particularly stressful time in university, I made a tape recording of all the important stuff I thought might be on the exam. I found some mnemonic tricks to remember items and even recited some dry stuff in rhythm to make it easier to remember. And when I had a bath, I would let the tape play over and over. How about giving me an example of your negative self-talk, the starting thought and the next two thoughts that reply to it?

Hi, Anne-Marie, Thank you for writing. I've found that depression and my medications both slow me down mentally and physically. Yet sometimes my worried, negative thoughts and emotions spiral out of control. I often direct anger at myself and I am extremely self critical, which wrecks my self esteem and dampens my confidence and hope. Lately I've felt fragile, weak, exhausted, burned out and find it difficult to concetrate on my studies and get motivated. Last night I watched a video documentary the Lincoln assassination and its aftermath and I felt a sadness so intense that I cried my eyes out. You're right---I do catastrophize situations. Regarding the bar, I tell myself that no matter what I do I'm never going to pass the exam, meaning my new law career will go down the drain. So it is more than the usual test anxiety, it's a fear of failure and broken dreams and how much that hurts. Then I worry that I'll end up so depressed and suicidal after failing the bar exam again that I'll break down and wind up either in a psychiatric hospital or dead. I'm so sick and tired of this sort of self defeating, negative self talk. I find it easier to have a more positive attitude if I focus on completing one task at a time rather than tackling one mammoth, overwhelming ordeal. Craig

Welcome, Craig. Since you zeroed in on negative self-talk, let's focus on that. Since you're going for the bar, I'm presuming you're a fast thinker whose mind is going at a rapid click? It takes one negative thought to begin an inner conversation that follows in a negative spiral. One negative thought then feeds on another, whether critical or judgmental or self-defeating. the trick is to recognize it and counter it as soone as possible when you recognize the negative thought. Of you're focuing on the here and now, I'm also presuming you may be indulging in catastrophic thinking and negative suggestions to yourself, like pessimism about the bar exams, more than the usual student fear at exam time?