Dear Winny, I began a new thread for you,as the topic changed a little.
You say there is nothing in your area, and you may be right. However, I also know that if you make a request to a mental health association, for instance, or a hospital that offers support groups, they will do their best to form a group you could attend. So first of all, keep an open mind as to help being out there somewhere, ok? Sometime it takes a little while for people to get their ducks lined up in a row, but if the need is there, they can usually step up to the plate. Have you looked on the Internet for grief support groups in the meantime?
(If you go to Google.com and type in "grieving support group" you'll find a lot of sites offering that kind of support.)
I'm not sending you away. I do think you caqn probably be helped by going to both types of sites.
On this site, we'd like to help you challenge your negative thinking that leads you to self-blame and feeling worthless. Are you up for that?