I'm hoping that hospitalization won't ever be necessary again. Right now, I'm doing pretty good. The problem with therapy is that I always think I'll be able to trust the person until I get there--then I shut down. I keep skipping my appointments with the college counselor I was supposed to see because I don't trust her. I fear the strength she has through her weakness. She kicked me out of college for about a week on an enforced absence when they found I was cutting again.
Anyway, that's over with for now--the leave of absence, that is.
I'm undeclared for now. I'm just a little, lost star floating in the gigantic solar system.
Have a good week!
Hi Shadow
I guess I know what you mean...its the fact that this illness hides quite well. I suppose I look relatively normal and OK, but inside I feel so scared and weird a lot of the time. What are you studying at college? Have you any close friends you can chat to? College councellors?
I thought I trusted my pdoc but he tries to just shut me up with meds and I feel I can trust my therapist but she has her own agenda (to get me off meds) and I pay her privately so then I feel she is just nice to me for the money....
Today has been not too bad - at least I got up and left the house for a while. I went to see an old friend who teaches at the college where I studied years ago. Only got to see him for half an hour then I was back home. I am bored but at the same time, can't be bothered doing anything. All I've done is read Sophie's World so now I've got philosophy whizzing around my head. I want something exciting to happen....but nothing ever does!!!!!!!!!
I can see why you want to avoid hospitalisation...is that a real possibility or just a fear?
I wanted to go on Wellbutrin but its not licensed in the UK. I know people that have had it and they say it made them extremely paranoid. Maybe you need a change of meds??
I guess you need to speak to someone professional but someone you can trust and won't just bung you away again. Have you noone like that??
I know that wishing yourself well is not enough...but its a good wish, a good dream and if you don't have those...well.
Take care xxx
[i]Thanks for replying. I'm on 300 mg Wellbutrin SR and 10 mg Zyprexa. I just wish this would go away. I don't really talk to my psychiatrist/therapist much yet, b/c I don't how how much I can trust her. Too many psychiatrists have just stuck me back in the hospital, and I don't have time for that right now. But I can't seem to wish myself better. It is almost like going around without one hand, but no one can see that your missing that hand. Hope you're doing okay.[/i]
Dear Shadow
Well I think you have made a good start by joining this support group!
I feel really down at the moment, feeling like I will be ill with this horrid thing called depression all my life!!! Changing my meds yet again :8o: and I guess that is making things worse....
What meds do you take?????? It sounds like maybe you need to visit your doctor and get some better help!!!! Please get some help and support, don't suffer on your own. You are not alone with this I promise you!
Love Jane
Depression has been a major factor in my life for several years now, but especially for the past year and a half. Now I'm a freshman in college, and it's really getting in the way. I want to do things and meet people, but I keep avoiding stressful stuff and staying away from people in general. I'm so sick of myself. I can't get away from myself, no matter how hard I try. Suicide hasn't worked. Hospitalization hasn't worked except to prolong the misery. I don't know what to do anymore...
