I feel the weight of obligations and responsibilities very acutely and am ALWAYS evaluating myself (negatively). The assumption that everyone sees me the same is the killer. A little figment of your imagination that can become the main filter through which you see the world. Perceiving negative vibes coming from all directions is a horrible way to live your life. I know it well.
Firstly, you have to realize that your own thought processes project this tone to your everyday life. I place unattainable standards on myself, then feel guilt and shame about failure and fear and anxiety about facing work. Simply talking things through in my head has made a difference. Explain to yourself that choosing unrealistic goals is setting yourself up for failure. Also explain to yourself that assumptions about others perception of you have no basis in fact and are simply a projection of your own desperate desire to succeed (yet it is this desperation that keeps you from succeeding). I've worked at lowering my standards a bit over the past few weeks - at quitting time I don't kick myself for what's not done, I simply try to itemize my tasks in detail to make a map for the next day. I've found that going over these task-lists with my supervisor more frequently has increased my confidence at work and decreased my anxiety. This is my first tear-free Monday in months, and that is really saying something after how my catch-up-on-work plans fell through yesterday.
I'm trying to be more consious of my own thought processes, to tone-down my negative assessments, to allow myself some satisfaction for achieving a goal. The biggest factor - relaxation. Not melting into the couch relaxation (although I do my share of that too), but quiet mindful reflection. Take a single life-issue and ponder it quietly, BUT do not allow any emotionally loaded assessments. Don't call yourself an idiot. Don't assume "everything" is ruined because of one mistake. Don't assume you'll be fired when you show up on Monday - you may feel it, but what proof do you have? Those are black clouds that obscure your objectivity.
