Thanks for your message, but u don't sound depressed, what medications are you on? I appreciate what you are saying, but its not that easy, believe me. Thanks anyway.

Hello, I have depression also, and i feel so bad for all other who have to experience it also. Fortuantly im not suicidal, but you are. I think being suicidal isnt right, because, i realize ur life isnt going well right now, but there so much more in life for you. My best friend commited suicide, and u dont realize how it tore up my life, and her old one. Death only causes pain for you and those around you. Im not saying you need to change, just inhance your personality. You said you were shy and didnt like to be around people. I think everyone is born with spunk, yours has just gone into hiding, bring it out! Try being wild for once, and see where is gets you, it cant be much worse than you are now right?! Please up-date!;p

Thanks Glasgow. I think I need hospitalization, but I don't think I could put up with how my family will deal with it. If I lived in another state, and had my own place, I would definitely do it. I don't know. Today is not a good day, I think I'll go back to bed.

Sweetness7717, I felt like my message may have been misleading towards the end. Hospitalization was a literal life saver for me. It was so calming and peaceful at the hospital. They were understanding when my family couldn't be. They helped me tremendously with medication and with rebuilding my life. I urge you to talk with a doctor. When I mentioned my frustration with my doctor, I don't mean that he hasn't helped me as well. He has. We work through each bout as they occur. What my family understands today, compared to what they thought ten years ago about depression is amazing. Professional help in our situation is mandatory. Education about our condition a must. This can inform your family. Please know that there is help out there and that all of the pain you must be enduring will pass. You can feel better with medical care and with determination. It sounds like you are determined as ever. Seek the help of professionals, you deserve it so much. Glasgow.

Thank you for responding...it's nice to know that someone else is experiencing what I have. It took me forever but I got my degree in art also, for what good it did me. I decided to go back to school for accounting, and I was holding on to that to have something to look forward too, but I can't afford it and have to withdraw from classes. I don't know...and my family doesn't understand me never have, but I was told to admit myself to a hospital in September, I was very suicidal then, and actually left a note to my mom telling her what I was going to do. Well, I took the pills, and ended up waking up the next morning anyway. What's so ****ed sad about it, is that my family didn't take it seriously, they just thought I was trying to make my mom feel bad, and they think I'm evil now, besides crazy. I can't stop crying lately, and I can't find a reason to carry on. I just got denied unemployment, and I'm feeling so guilty b/c my dad just paid my car insurance. The only therapy I have is chatting with people online....I've never been so lost, so desparate before in my life. It isn't helping that I'm stuck inside this house day, after day, I need something to occupy my time, but I can't even get a job at a grocery store. I'm rambling now, but no one I know understands what I am feeling, not even friends. I think that if I killed myself today, they still would not understand. I think what I desire most is to have someone, just one person that I can talk to about how I'm feeling that would understand, and maybe I could cope. But I keep getting one setback after another, and I don't know how much more I can take. I know that this is something that I will have the rest of my life, and I'm use to it. It's just that this past year has been the worst. I was in a horrible car accident and watched a man burn to death about 6 months ago...that's when the deep depression really set in. What's sad about it, is that when my car was beginning to catch on fire, I sat there for a moment too long because I didn't want to live, I didn't want to survive, I figured that finally all the sadness would be over and I wouldn't be blamed, because my dying wouldn't be my fault. I don't know what made me climb out, but ever since then I wish that I hadn't.

I am 29 years old. I was diagnosed with dysthymia about six years ago. I have tried approx. fifteen to twenty different medications over the past ten years. I am currently taking Wellbutrin. It helped me long enough to get through college. Graduated last year. Am a painter. Feel as if Wellbutrin has also pooped out on me. Like a handfull of other drugs. My goal is not to live without depression. For me I don't believe that will be possible. I think it will always be present. My goal is to live with depression. How? I am working on that every day. Rent is difficult to make b/c I have a terrible time keeping a job. But I try. I will keep trying. I try and find some little thing I love and know that it is good. Don't let even my own mind discount it as false when I am feeling bad. Love and family and friends and work can be good. I have seen it. Lived it. It doesn't seem that way to me right now. I am feeling betrayed by my own physician b/c simply, we have run out of drugs to try. But there are a million ways to live a life out there. The way I live mine will be as unique. If I can't work a job. I will work from my home. If I can't get out of bed, I will move my kitchen to my bedside so that I can eat. Giving up was an option for me once. I was hospitalized when I was twenty years old. Twice. When I left the hospital the second time, giving up was crossed off the list as an option.

I am 26 now. I am still the same depressed person I have been since I was in kindergarden. I have been told by professionals that I have the low-grade depression dysthymia. I also suffer from major depressive epoisodes, and anxiety. My intense shyness and fear of people have led me to continue to live with my parents, have no friends, and I am still a virgin. I can't find a job. I am dependent upon my family, and they think that I am crazy, and weird, and evil because of my moods. The thing that I have feared most is happening. They are talking about me, and sometimes making fun of my moods. I went through this enough in school. I am suicidal at this moment...but I am not so blind that I can't see that. I've been on more meds than I can name, and at first they help, but then they don't. Plus, the side effects and costs are just too much for me to handle. This is my story. I give up. I give up looking for hope, looking for answers. I've finally realized that I was born unhappy, and will die unhappy, and no amount of pills or therapy can stop that. I am wrong? I don't think so. What do u think?