Hi,
I certainly understand your isolation and the fact that one reason you do not want to go out is because of all those happy faces on other people's faces. I have felt this same feeling for years.
I also feel like you do;
but in my case, it is not only about my major depressive disorder, it is also about my low self-esteem and all the weight that I gained since being in this major depressive state for the past many years.
Sometimes what I do is go to the store or shopping center just to be around other people and this seems to help. I also enjoy going to Barnes-Nobles and pursuing the shelves that may interest me, and reading, spending 3-4 hours on the weekend there. Getting out by myself helps me a lot.
All of my family, brothers and sisters are so very successful as I was once, it even brothers me to sometimes be around them, especially my sister. Thankfully, I still feel well when I get up in the morning, taking care of "Socks" and the 2 little birds that I have. Pets, especially "Socks" a Pembroke Corgie, are great therapy for me. Walking the dog helps me a lot although recently I haven't been going to far with him.
I also still enjoy the 1.5 hours of soap operas that I like. I also am still interestd in the political scene.
I try to be thankful for any relief I feel when in a depressed state. However, I still have many bouts of sadness inbetween the things that I still do. These things are only some ways of coping. And remember we are not the only ones who suffer like this. Six percent of the US population suffer from MDD and out of 280 million this is a lot of other people. You and I are not alone. Remember what glitters is not often gold.
I hope that some of these things above may help you.
And having only "1" friend who will listen and comfort you will also help you. I hope you can find this one person in your life really soon. Thankfully, I have this one person but she lives out of town and it is expensive to call and talk to her.
God Bless!
Change will come to you, because I understand that depression is self-limiting, but I haven't seen that in myself yet.
JANA ;)
