Hi Jana, I haven't noticed any weight gain or loss since starting my meds a couple of months ago. Although in the year prior to being diagnosed, a lot of people commented that I had lost weight. I am a petite person to begin with, so I think the depression affected me by lossing some weight. I exercise a lot, but when I am depressed it is very difficult to find the energy. This is very frustrating as I use exercise to de-stress and find it benefical. I also find that doing pilates and yoga really help me focus on something else other than my negatives thoughts and feelings. I would recommend giving it a try. I am having a good week, so I can think really clearly and practical, but when the depression sets in, it is like I cannot be rational, my emotions control me. This is an awful feeling. Any suggestions on how anyone else copes?

Hi Ophelia, I was just wondering -- how does your depression affect you physically. Have you lost weight or gained weight. Perhaps others also can answer this question. I would be very grateful. Some say the medications either help in gaining weight or losing weight. Have a great Christmas! JANA

Merry Christmas to all of you! The unfortunate thing about my make-up, now being divorced and experiencing the empty nest syndrome -- the children are up and grown and live a distance from me, is that I think and feel that my life is over as far as from what it was years ago when I had all the above plus more and now it is gone. As far as entitlement goes, I don't think there is anything out in the world that I want to pursue. Lack of interests in most things. There are many issues that I have but have no control over. I'm disappointed in some of my family of origin; in that, they are very successful but very greedy. Mom and Dad were never like that; they were just the opposite as were I and another sibling. Some people have so much and they want more and more and more. This has been a sticking point for me. Unfortunately, it seems that one of my children also has this type of greed mentalilty. I have always felt that the measure of a man is not his success but his generosity. I lost my father in Dec. of 2000 and now Mom is in the nursing home -- and I'm awaiting this loss. It will be more than difficult. I have a loss of motivation and interest in life itself which is a far cry from what I was from my 20's to my 50's. I have a loss of not even experiencing a good chldhood. There was little or no nuturing. Mom worried more about a extremely clean house, and she worked from the time from the time I was 9 full time and it was up to me to care for my 2 younger siblings. Then there was older brother who only teased us constantly, called names, etc. etc. I am hoping my life will change for the better this coming new year 2004. Perhaps the good Lord will turn me around as far as my attitude is concerned, and release the guilt and shame that I carry because of my own flaws in past behavior after the divorce. Punishing myself is difficult not to do. Anyway, life does go on with or without you. I look for things to be grateful for such as the health of my children and grandchildren and my overall physical health, more or less. I thank God for giving me what I have left, but it is not enough all the time. Perhaps this New Year will bring about less negativity and more inner peace and motiviation for a healthy psychic life. This

Hi Jana, Sounds like we were separated at birth! I too have had depression all my life, though it wasn't diagnosed until I was older. It's funny, I was the one who tried to keep the family together when I was younger, and it never occurred to me that they were actually causing a lot of my problems. I mean, you're supposed to love your parents and siblings. I too have a brother who has always taken pleasure in hurting me with his put-downs and sarcasm. It's only been the past few years that I've been able to take that power away from him, and he can't hurt me anymore. Do you have entitlement issues? That is, do you feel like you're not entitled to be happy and to ask for things you want? I'm even having trouble asking for help from my therapist--I feel like my problems are insignificant in the overall scheme of things, although they cause me great pain.

Hi Jana, I have had some loss in my life that seems to have effected me a great deal. I could really relate to what you wrote. My brother seems to be just like yours, I think his actions really contributed to my depression, especially while I was living at home. I did move into my own place last spring which has helped some. I agree that the last thing we need is people in our lives who bring us down. It has always taken me a long time to get over a loss. I don't think I am still over my grandmother's death from when I was a child. I never thought that all these little things in my life added up to depression. But knowing what I am living with helps a bit. I had a very bad episode about a week and a half ago, but so far the past week has been pretty good. Hope that you are feeling good too. Have a great holiday, we all deserve some enjoyment.

Hi Ophelia, Now that I'm postmenopausal I do not experience depression during certain times of the month. Perhaps I did years ago and didn't notice. No, my depression started years ago to the point of near incapacitiy when I realized that the object my life which I loved the most was not going to work out. This enlightenment and loss of hope for that which I lvoed the most caused me severe deprssion which I carry until today. Can you say what causes your depression. Has been there a significant thing in your life that you lost? One thing I know for sure -- if there are people or a person around you that brings you down, it is important to stay away from him/her or at least at keep them at a distance. Losses in life is a major factor in depression. I lost the thing I loved most aand that was my family. Things are never the same aafter a divorce of many years. I have a brother who picked on me in an awlful way when I was growing up -- and today because I'm still the most vulnerable in the family, he still does it from time to time. Sometimes he is great and other times he puts me down. He too has disappointments in this life in regards to his grown children, so this is how he shows his one up-man-ship, by putting others down. I'm not the only one in the family who has many times bared his rudness. Although, I give it back to him and he gets all red -- I'll still try to keep this guy at a distance. Thought this might help. Have a Merry Christmas - no matter what Ophelia. JANA

Jana, Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps to hear from other people and their experience. It comforts me to know that I am not alone on this journey. I too think that I have suffered (untreated) since childhood. I wasn't sure if this was possible. It was nice to hear that you have a similar experience. Stress is also a killer for me, I have to try really hard to recognize my stress so I can better control my episode. This is very hard to do. Do you notice that you are more suseptible to your depression at certain times during the month? This has been part of my experience. Thanks again, Ophelia

Dear Ophelia, I have suffered from depression, I'm sure, since my childhood. I had what you call a smiling depression during my childhood and teenage years. I was never treated. However, my first real episode came about the time I realized that I had to get out of my marriage after many, many years. I have what you would call a reactive depression. In that, whenever I have a great stress in my life I have a severe episode and it is so very bad. My face and head feel like it weighs about 200 lbs. on from my neck up. Recently, about 3 weeks ago I had another bout after not having one like this one for several years. I was so bad that I had to call my psychiatrist and ask for an urgent appointment. I am feeling much better now and I know it is over at least for a time. Dr. put me on Wellbutrin XL which is a new medication and it has helped a lot. There is another kind of deprssion called exogenous depression which comes from within your biological makeup. In this type of depression nothing really sets it off such as something negative in your life and enviroment. I hope some of this information helps you a little. Writing to people on this site has helped me so continue to do that. Well, time to go. I pray you have a good day today. day. Try to get out if even by yourself just to be around people. Yesterday I went to the mall and it helped me a lot. Good Luck & God Bless*

I was diagnosed with depression from my family doctor about a month and a half ago. I have been on meds for the same amount of time. Although this is the first time that I have spoken to a professional about my feelings, I think that I have been through depression before. My doctor's point of view is that this is not uncommon and many people experience depression and that I will recover. My feelings are that I have been living with this for a while and gone through different "spells" throughout my life. I thought that this is just the way I am, negative, down, pessimistic, and hopeless. I often get confused about what parts of me are the illness and what parts are my real feelings or personality. Has anyone else felt like this? Is a combination of medication and counselling more beneficial? If anyone has any insight for me it would be so helpful.