hi. u r a priority to me. i dont know u, but i know how u feel and wat ur going through. im going through the same thing. i dont know wat to do. i dont know how to help you. i dont know how to help myself. but u do matter. u r someone to somebody. u feel alone. we all do. but if people who feel alone talk to eachother, then maybe the lonliness wont be so bad. i might be niave, but life cant be this bad. or maybe it can. either way no one can survive alone. talk to me.

Hi, I'm new. I'm an 18 year old female college student. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life. I was sexually abused as a child and both of my parents have experienced either depression or anxiety. I'm at the point that I don't know what to do. I've been on a handful of medications for depression/anxiety since I was about 12. I'm currently taking 75 mg of Effexor per day. My family has a lot of financial problems and we can barely s****e up enough money to pay our bills. We live with my gradmother because we lost our house last year and we can't afford to pay rent anywhere and our credit it terrible. Even if all of this were not happening, I would still be depressed. But lately its gone to a level that I never thought it would go to. I often think about running away or wishing I could die so that I wouldn't have to face it all. I was on the dean's list last semester, but I don't feel like doing any of my work for school. I know my grades have dropped. The only reason I get up and go to school everyday is so that I don't make things worse for my family. I fear rejection from my mom. Most of the time she thinks I'm just being difficult. I feel so hurt and helpless inside. I do go to counseling on campus, but she says I need to go to a psychiatrist. Well, my family (nor I) cannot afford a psychiatrist. I feel guilty pushing the subject because I know my parents have no money. Since I haven't tried to kill myself yet, I guess my mom thinks its not that serious. I don't know what to do. I feel like no one cares. I'm a strong person and I know when I can't deal with it anymore. I've been depressed for a long time and I know that what I'm feeling now is by far the worst I've ever felt before. But I have no idea what to do. The end of the semester is approaching and I have long papers and finals due and I can't handle it. My mom acts like I'm just lazy and won't do my work. Every day feels like a huge panic attack and then I rush home to hide from everything. I feel like I'm going to explode or just have a nervous breakdown. I feel really like there is no hope for me. I have tried and tried and tried, I've bought books, I've seen counelors, I've taken medicine, and I've tried so hard to keep it together on my ownf