Hi Anna,
I am 37 and married for 11 years to a really great guy, but believe me, I do remember the kind of break-ups which will throw you in a spiral downwards for a long time. You have posted your last message a while ago, so I wonder if my post is still relevant, but I will write it anyway, just in case.
Hearing that a person you love is engaged to someone else is a big blow to your nervous system and a strong reminder of painful feelings from the past. So it is normal that you feel as worse as in the beginning after hearing it. It hurts badly, doesn't it. Before I got married I was engaged to another man for 6 years. Looking back, I can not figure out what we were doing together in the first place, but obviously there must have been something. Eventually we had a very, very bad break-up. He left me and I was devastated. Of course he met someone else a few months later. It is a real roller-coaster ride when things like that happen in your life and the emotions that come along with it are just overwhelming. I react by 'cocooning'. By that I mean that I completey remove myself out of social life (except of course for work, but even there I maintain a vey low key) and do everything I want to do for me. Not the unhealthy things, like drinking too much or go out and have sex with strangers. I give my nervous system a vacation. For a while you and you alone is enough to be bussy with. It works well. Eventually, when all the pain is felt, when there is no tear left to cry, when the anger has passed through you and he is not the first thing you think about when you wake up, you will want to take a cold shower and start over....than and only than is there room again for a new person in your life. Good books to read:
'One day my soul just opened up' by Iyanla Vanzant. It gives you a tool for every possible emotion, it will bring some peace. Every book written by Iyanla is worth reading.
'The language of letting go' by Melodie Beattie.
The rest of my story...........a year after the breakup I met my husband, everything the other man was and so very much more. We have twin-girls whom are 9 years old now. We are very happy. The guy.......is 40 now, still unmarried, living alone is some other part of the world. I understand now why the other man had to leave my lif
