Sorry, I meant to address this to Creativespace and gr8fl...

To Creative XX Yes, I spend a lot of time alone, and yes, my parents were self obsesssed. My mother offered some encouragement, but basically I was more like my father than my mother, and I didn't particularly get along that well with her, because we were so different from one another. My father was an alcoholic, highly sensitive and socially withdrawn. A feeling can be obsessive such as when you think you are in love with another person when you are in reality happily married, and the love object is also socially withdrawn and married to another person. We almost always blush in each other's presence. I finally came to the conclusion that maybe I was in love with other people throughout my married life, but just could not face it; but maybe I am wrong, because when you have fear of blushing, you are more afraid of blushing than loving someone, even though others looking on may think you are in love with them. Is this confusing? Why do you say a feeling is never an obsession? If I feel like I love someone, and have obsessive thoughts about it all the time, it makes me feel like a teenager obsessing over something that will never happen. Do you understand what I am saying? My consious wanted my subconscious to understand why I was having these thoughts, and I went through the 12 week cognitive therapy program for anxiety offered on the sister site. I came to the conclusion that I had to face my fears, however, I do not get much of a chance to do so in this case, as I don't see this person often. But I did learn that perhaps I felt love for this person and did not want to admit it to myself. Every time I panicked, I felt very depressed, because I am supposed to be a happily married woman in middle age, and there does not seem to be reason enough to change all that. I came to realise that a feeling is a feeling, and admit to myself my feelings, and why I have them. That doesn't mean I need to act on them. I have tried to explain this to both the person involved in round about ways, and also had a pretty frank discussion with his wife separately recently. I really started out wanting to have a good couple friendship with this couple, because I believe that the husband understands me, and not many people do. The wife is more like

do you think this is your past? are these obsessions because you are alone? where your relatives particularly self-obsessed? did your parents split early or offered no encourgement? these seem like strange and obtuse, these questions... but a feeling is never an obsession. feelings become uncontrollable, but an obsession is a thing, not a thought. Thoughts sometimes control our subcounscious (which means we do things we do not want to do...like feel low), or we would not have one...and sometimes the subcounscious wants to know more, why it feels the way it does. have you gone to a psychiatrist? i am sorry if i was too blunt... thinking of you creativexx

Yes, hope is important as long as it is based on fact. I guess I still have my ups and downs and hope that eventually I will loose the obsessions which probably are typical of those who feel depressed..

unrequited, To the extent where I can get up every day and do what needs to be done- yes I have been able to control my "obsession". I believe what causes such an obsession in the first place are factors such as low self esteem and an inadequate support system (i.e enough close friends)and allowing others to dictate how we feel about ourselves. However, you have to realize that we don't have to settle for feeling this way. It is our own thought process that is responsible for our "problems" - therefore we have the resources to create the life we desire. For example, someone who is wheelchair bound [i]has[/i] to accept the fact that they will probably never walk again. We on the other hand do not have to accept our undesirable circumstances and can, with a little desire and intent use the gifts we have to manifest our hearts desires. [i]It is important that we understand and know this to be true.[/i] I'm not saying its easy by any means but regardless of the past - we [i]can[/i] change our future for the better. THE PAST DOES NOT EQUAL THE FUTURE. I am someone who suffers from depression, low self esteem, regret, hopelessness and suicidal thoughts (2 attempts as a teenager) yet despite all this I am still here and know in my heart that what I've written here is true. After all [i]hope[/i] (along with faith) is a good thing to hold onto. Is it not?

Have you been able to control the obsessions over other people? Does it help your depression go away? How did you do it, just with distractions such as you mentioned, T.V., etc....?

unrequitted, Actually I have major depression with "falling in love" [i]being[/i] one of the reasons. Obsessing over others [i]is[/i] one of the problems not a distraction. Things I distract myself with are reading, meditating. watching tv, spending time with family. writing and sleeping (if you can call that a distraction). Unrequitted love is a major source of depression but mutual love is wonderful medicine and a source of happiness that is definitely worth the effort and risk involved.

Does major depression push a person into fantasy love lives to cover over or mask the depression? If you have major depression, are you more likely to distract yourself with the "falling in love" feeling, which may be based on nothing? If so, how does one stop distracting themselves with obessing over others? If nobody answers this question, please support staff, kick in with an answer...