Had a very good nights sleep last night. First time in over a month that it was actually normal. Hopefully it will continue now. If not, I'm not sure what my next move will be to help correct the problem.

Hope you are feeling better today...many people need to go into some kind of a care facility...try not to take to heart unkind remarks of people who don't really care about you. There will always be someone like that to try to pull us down, but maybe those are part of the tests of life we have to go through. And when we pass them successfully, perhaps we gain more self respect and look for more emotional support of others. That's what you're doing by writing. Hope your sleep will return to normal soon...thinking of you

The nursing home that my grandmother will go into is a nice facility. She went in there unexpected over a year ago. Since then she moved to the apartment complex. Both the nursing home and apartment complex are under the same management and work very closely togther. I got along well with the staff for the most part and feel that they can be truested. I did check out some of the links last year that you can find on various homes and their mandatory state inspections came back good. I don't feel as though the home would take advanatage of her or her belongings in anyway. I guess my thing from when I posted before was just my complete breaking point when this friend of mine had to go on about how bad it can be. It was like I shouldn't be doing this when in all actuallity my grandmother is choosing to do so for her own safety. I just can't understand why some people can't just leave well enough alone and have to turn everything into a bigger problem. On of the worst things for me is I really don't have a big family and my dad now lives 5 hours away from where I do and its a good 8-11 (never driven it straight across myself) from where my grandma does. I'm 4.5 - 5 hours away from her myself. He doesn't want to ever come up this way though he's moved a year and a half ago. Plus many times he either doesn't listen to me (or half listens and then interrupts with what he has been doing) or gets upset and that just makes me more upset. It just all seems like a never ending battle and a constant fear of what if. Yes, I'm a person who likes to plan ahead. I know the unknown is great, but I like to think of the different possiblities and at least have a plan of attack if something would happen. I can't just set back and wait to see what happens and then figure it out. I've never worked that way and probably never will. Though I have found myself procrastinating worse and worse of the last few years. This problem comes with burnout and all the changes and my own mood not seeming to be stablized.

Last night was another sleepless night. I'm hoping tonight is different. If nothing else I can sleep when I can tomorrow as I do not have to work. My boughts of not sleeping at night are starting to scare me in some senses. I know I wont do anything to harm myself or anyone else, but I sometimes wonder about the thoughts going through my head. By morning I don't remember a lot of the night other then I didn't sleep and now when I did sleep it seemed disturbed. I'm hoping tonight will be better. I had a good evening with a very close friend. And am happy for the first time in a week. Though when I'm with this friend I am normally happy. Its just when I'm by myself. Even talking with friends online doesn't always help out. I know this is bad but I have not found help at least not at a professional level. I do do my best to talk to people and try to talk about what is going on. Part of me right now doesn't know if its just everything going on or if its something more serious. I've done several of the depression tests online from time to time and normally they all come back saying I'm depressed. I've began to honestly believe it over the last month as I've seen my own health become affected by stress and lack of sleep. I have asthma and allergies and both have been triggered worse in the last two months then anytime in the last year.

Dear Why ME, You seem to be having a rough go of it. You are a very kind and supportive person to be taking care of your grandmother. Keep supporting, she needs to know you are there for her. If your feeling uneasy about the nursing home, then do some founded research. Interview the employees, walk around. Try and feel the home and it's surroundings. It is unfortunate that some nursing homes have turned sour, however, they are not all like that. Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. Try your doctor for sleeping aids, and theraputic advice. They can help or show you the right direction. Make sure you take some time to yourself. Keep with those that you trust and brush off the others. There is no need for their hurtful rumours. You are going through a rough patch and you need to take care of yourself first. Do something relaxing. Read a book, talk a long walk, watch your favorite movie. If you have any question or concerns please contact us at support@depressioncenter.net. We are the Support Specialist for The Depression Center and are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Keep strong, Josie

Sorry to hear about all the problems you are having at the same time. I think that is the worst, when many things come at you at the same time. First of all; you have got to get your sleep....that is very important. Do you take medications or herbs? Please try something. Don't go on like this without sleep, or something worse could happen. Speak to a doctor, or search the internet for herbal solutions. I have one I take when even my medications don't work. Usually they do work, but there are occasions when I wake up around 4pm and can't go back to sleep. So I take a Valerian Passionflower combination and some aroma therapy...maybe Chamomile mixed with any oil and rub all over my body, or just put a few drops on a tissue on your pillow, and it usually works. Some other oils work just as well. Your nervous system is physically stressed out, or you would be able to sleep. I hope you can find a solution....

For over a month now I've been feeling more and more down. My sleeping at night has gotten less and less to the point that many nights I only get 2 hours of sleep. This is after several hours of trying and getting very frustrated. The not sleeping hasn't helped me in many other areas recently either. About 5 years ago I became the responsible party for my grandmother after my mom passed away. At first things where just fine there, but over the past year a lot of things have changed. Her health has been up and down. She sold her house (which I cleaned out and am storing all the stuff since last summer) had to go into a nursing home and then into a retirement apartment complex after getting better. Just recently I found out that she has had numbness in her right hand for several months. She only told me just before she was to go see her doctors on the normal checkups. This is quite normal as I normally find out something major at the time or through her friends after it has occured. It turns out that she has carpel Tunnel Syndrome and is having surgery later this month. Because she is required to use a walker and has becomes almost completely dependent on it she is going to go into the nursing home until she can use one again. The length of time is completely unknown. With this comes a friend of mine who after telling her what was going on instead of trying to be supportive and helpful instead sent me several emails of bad things that have happened when families put loved ones into nursing homes. After this I completely lost it and just bawled. It was the last thing I needed or wanted to think about. Since then I've had another friend start telling people lies about me. Saying that I'm engaged and all. Plus the people he's told think that I once cheated on him several years ago and are now telling other people in the town I went to school in about everything. This has just sent me down even further. I really don't know what to do or who to turn to. I have very few people who I can trust just to talk to, to try and work on my problems. I feel every time I try to talk to someone they come back at me with something negative or go off telling things I never did say to them. This is all really effecting my day to day life. I don't have any