hoto, Please do not let anything stand in the way of you seeking help. You should seek medical assistance as soon as possible. Some of the issues you have mentioned are beyond the scope of this support group. Casey __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team

ok here goes I hope this is somewhere that can help I seem to be running out of alternatives I don’t really know if its depression or psychotic behaviour but anyone else’s opinion would be helpful it is not something easy to talk about as I expect it is for everyone my name is Lewis and I will now try to tell of my problems so please bare with me Well who knows when it started I did have a disturbed childhood lots of issues but when I was 14 I was always found myself different that a everyone I met I never had many friends but I didn’t mind that there were always people worse of than myself right? But I found my self different the way my mind works the thoughts I had the images my mind made I always had a vivid imagination and sometimes it was so real I couldn't tell the difference between reality and what my mind made up my thought were always dark and disturbing normally involving death and pain but I would try to stop my self from thinking such things this is not normal I have always tried desperately to fit in but always found my self having to put a lot of effort into being what everyone else just does without thinking I have always found my self depressed and suicidal but thought no I don’t know is the sort of thing I should seek help with the amount of nights of my life I have spent alone crying asking again and again why? Why me? but as I got older I just got worse I found that I couldn't interact with people at all I had many problems including debt and I just stayed in day and all night and couldn't face the world at all not my family not my friends I was suicidal and made attempts until one day I went for a walk at 4 in the morning a and sat down on a bench and decided to sort things out I went through all my problems and a lot of them I thought is there anything I can do to change it no will it kill me no so stop worrying about things out of my control and on that day I decided to lock away in a box in my mind all depression and all other bad emotions all hate all fear all jealousy embarrassment all feeling I didn't want any more and something else what ever it was in my mind making me see all the death and pain something I can only describe as evil pure and true evil the things I saw were getting horrific and then I went home and I have never sle