Adorable, I've read through the boards and from your first post to your last I sense a difference already.I know talking to others, who understand without explaining, is a wonderful gift we've been given. I would suggest not spending too much time trying to explain to those who have not been there. A little suggestion:when negative thoughts about yourself come out think about where you got that idea. Is it your message or messages you heard from others in the past. Mine were! I threw them out and changed that message. Hold on.I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Sandee :)

Ok...we all have been there. My Thanksgiving was ok but I missed being with my family. Don't get me wrong when I say my husband's family is bad it's just not the same. I'm in a pretty melencolic mood so you'll have to forgive me if I don't sound so excited. All I know is every day is a new day, new beginning. I have to choose how I'm going to react. Positive thinking (even when it seem put on or fake) is one of the ways to get through to the next day. If you can't drive, get outside in your yard, around the block. Enjoy the elements of weather (good & bad) then come back in a fix a cup of hot tea/coffee, take a bubble bath. Journal your thoughts so that you can share it with your counselor. I keep hoping one of these days I can break through too! :) d

Hi Adorable; I know how You Feel. My Thanksgiving was terrible, and couple days after that, I just got up crying like a baby thinking that my husband didn't love Me anymore because I had gotten so heavy and because I just don't care about the way I look. I told my husband how I felt,and he said it was just the depression talking, and then I worried about my Mom that she won't be around very long, and She and I are very close and Who would I have, She is my best friend. I don't go any where because the Doctor restricted Me from driving. I feel like a caged Lion. I would'nt go anywhere any way because I just want to stay how. Everything that comes out of my mouth is negative, and I feel terrible about, I try to catch Myself, but I don't always succeed. I would'nt blame anyone to be around Me. See Honey Your not alone.--MeMe.

Hi Jane & Adorable, I also indulge in negative self-talk. It is very hard to change, but I know I want to feel better about myself and life in general. I found I can manage a middle ground so to speak. My therapist was all for learning to speak positively to myself. It just didn't seem real at all. It made me angry to even pretend it because there was no belief behind it what so ever. I felt like I was lying to myself. Anyway, what I've found to work so far is to at least stop myself from saying the negative things, and remind myself that it isn't true. When a thought about what an idiot I am pops up, I just think "Stop it! You're not an idiot just because you..." That much I can at least deal with. I hope in the future, as things seem less black, saying positive things won't sound quite as ridiculous to me as they do now. It's a small step, but hopefully it's in the right direction. :)

Jane, I understand where you are coming from. For the most part...we all have to take ownership of our depression. I had to come with grips on taking drugs in the first place because to me that was admitting I have a problem that I can't fix and that it's partly chemistry that's not quite insinc! I'm finding if I'm still feeling werid with the meds to speak up to my drs becuase there are a lot of meds out there and not one combination will work for all. Yes, you do kind of feel like a human ginny pig but then again I think curling up in a fetal position isn't healthy either (although, don't get me wrong when I say I'm right there with you in the same position waiting for the end to come!!) hang in there! ;) d

Hi Jane, I am sorry to hear that you feel your consellour is not very helpful right now. Please be sure to be honest with them and let them know how you think they are making you feel so that progress may begin instead of making you feel worse. Casey ______________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team Edited on 11/21/2004 @ 10:23:48 AM by The NicoTest Support Team

I can understand the rational of trying to change thinking, but how do you start? This negativity is the only way I have ever been. I don't understand where to start. I also carry tons of guilt around, and my counselor telling me that recovery from depression is something that only I can do myself. This makes me feel bad because I am blaming myself for getting major depression, ects, and meds cause I haven't been able to make any changes in my personality. I am beginning to feel like I am getting picked on the last couple of times that I have seen her. I thought that I was doing ok the last time and I still got the lecture. This of course made me feel more depressed, plus now I feel really bad about how my depression has affected the people around me (more guilt). I don't even know who I am anymore. I feel like just taking the meds, dumping them down the toilet and curling up into the fetal position, until the end comes.

I know what you mean about knowing the negative talk is wrong but I still believe it. I'm working through a step study program that is helping me change some of my thinking. Plus my counselor has put me on an anti-psychotic along with Lexapro. That combination seems to help me realize reality with my depression. I would recommend at least talking your negative thoughts out with a Professional counselor -- mine is a christian so that helps with a lot of hang ups I have from my background. Hope that helps! This is a struggle for me hourly.... :)

I always see the negetive side in everything. Maybe it's because it's a comfort zone to me...maybe I'm just not used to feeling good or happy about life. Everyday I tell myself I am worthless and a failure, that I can't do something, that I'm ugly and fat...that no man could like me. I know these things aren't true, yet I continue to tell them to myself...I'll never really fully understand why

Hi, I'm new to the forum too, I've been fighting depression for about 4 years and generalized anxiety most of my life it seems. I didn't even know there was such a thing as the anxiety part until I was diagnosed with depression--and I had even worked in the mental health field. It sure is different from the inside looking out. Anyway, I just got through a major relocation move, I didn't have much choice about the move as my husband had been laid off, when he finally found the new job it was move or go bankrupt. Anyway about 4 months after move was done, I thought I was settled in enough to get a job, as long as it wasn't a high-stress job, with lives depending on me. So I got a job in an upholdstery/bedspreadmaking place--only I had been working there one week and I got bronchitis and am struggling with major return of the anxiety issues. I'm not sure if the anxiety let the bronchitis take hold, or if the anxiety flared up because of the bronchitis. I am trying very hard not to be down on myself because of not feeling competent at work yet (bedspreads are more complicated than you think--lots of math involved figuring out how much fabric to cut)and then I wound up calling in sick because of the fever from the brochitis. Its hard to feel anything positive. I know the theory of thinking positive, affirmations, realistic expectations but none of that is helping my feelings right now. I just feel scared about going back to work. I was doing ok at home, getting our new place set up, being supportive of my husband with his new job stress, etc. I think maybe I am pushing too hard to be working yet, but dammit I used to work in a very high stress and highpaying job that I found rewarding and now I can't handle a bedspred factory---major downer. Of course I handled previous job in my family's British stiff upper lip tradition--until the Depression landed and I just couldn't do it anymore.I'm back in therapy--talk type--and I'm not sure I trust the therapist yet. I don't think she sees beyond behaviorist theory. In the new town there are only two psychiatrists--not apparently taking new patients--so what do I do about meds if I need to change them? My new GP is willing to prescribe what I already have but is not comfortable with making changes. I can see it now--Drive