Hello. I'm new to this site and have eben reading the letters and responses. I am constantly looking for site online to cope with my depression. Coping.org is an excellent one. I just found another one called inner bonding. I haven't had time to explore it throughly, but, it appears it will be a helpful site, also. Just wanted to let you know. j

Dear junglephone, I think you need to tell your doctor about the med that doesn't work for you. Let the doctor get you another med that may work better! Cheers, Aim

Yeah i am on meds ive been on fluxetine (prozac) theyre supposed to make you feel better in about 2-4 weeks ive been on them for abut 8 and feel no different yet i dont think i could imagine not having them. Im not sure if they are even working for me but ya know everyone is different i think i need to change mine but there are so many, They are great if they work for you. I need something else because i am so confused maybe the meds are woking but i dont think they are im not getting any better. Maybe you could talk to your doctor about it and there are alternatives which wouldnt cause withdrawal sypmtoms and stuff like that? I think your relationship you have is absolutley brilliant, me and my partner are living together and i try to hide things ill tell him things a bit each week but i dont want to worry him or put a strain on things so i really do admire you. We dont have a lot and we have to moderate things but its worth it to se ehim every morning telling me that he loves me and seeing it in his eyes when he looks at me. Maybe in time you can get your career back on track but maybe for all the stress and things like that its really not worth it, concerntrate on the things you have at the moment not what you have lost because everything happens for a reason. xxx starr xxx

Hi Starr, It's good to know that my breakdown had a positive spin to it. I can imagine much of the panic attack and stress you've had is due to the worry of pregnancy. About 5 years ago my wife (then, girlfriend) thought she was pregnant and I was so stressed that I couldn't sleep for 6 weeks - and I had trouble concentrating. I had somewhat of a breakthrough this weekend. I was really depressed, and eventhough I usually try to hide my depression and stressful thoughts from my wife in fear that it will frustrate her too, I told her about how much I was hurting inside and how I was in such fear of the future based on my decisions. She completely turned it around saying that she is glad I made the decisions I did because it's forcing me to deeply understand myself and in the long-run it will strengthen our relationship. She said she didn't care if we took a loss financially because we'll gain so much in creating a better relationship and better communication. She helped me see the positive side of the situation - I was so excited all night. I noticed that the depression is worse when I get less sleep - so this morning was hard, but I've slowly been getting better by saying to myself "you can't change what you've done, so just move forward towards making everything better again - that's all you can do" I found a cool site called coping.org that had some great tips on self-hatred, guilt, affirmations, etc. I'm planning on doing each of the writing exercises - once I have time. I'm trying to keep reminding myself of how blessed I am instead of focusing on the negative. Although, it seems like everyone around me just stumbles into better and better situations, I've accepted that I need to get back to the roots of who I am before I can move forward in my career. It's hard trying to be so humble again - but I think it's going to get me out this rut of feeling pressured to be what the majority of the population is like - and that my unpractical ways are creating interesting experiences for me - even if it isn't the most efficent way of doing things. btw... 21 is a great age. Trust me, these will be great times in your life, and if you work towards an optimistic point-of-view, the years will keep getting better. I'm only 32, but until last year

Thankyou so much, you have helped me to realise whats going on in my own head, ive been trying to explain it for so long and couldnt i read your post and it was like a bombshell. I make decisions and fully stand by them yet when i am alone all i can think of is what i wished i had done and i think too rationally to be admitted or anything like that but im finding it harder and harder to think straight. I am 21 ive had depression when i was about 14 then anxiety when i was 18 and now i dont know whats wrong with me... Im too young for all this and i know these are supposed to be the best times in my life. I had a bit of a scare a week ago and thought i may have been pregnant, im not but i have always said i dont really want kids and now all it hink about is being a mum and i dont think its what i want and it feels like im constantly struggling against myself day after day. I hear people shouting at me in my head all the time and now im having to argue against mydelf....its ripping me in half so i understand what your going through i really do and i just hope that we can all find a way to deal with all this and put it behind us to live the rest of our lives happily and peacefully. Star xxx

Hi Josie, Thanks for the support. I feel I've past the crossroads, but went in the wrong direction. One wrong job and relocation decision has compounded into a bad investment and stress on my marriage - all of this while we have a newborn and I've been dealing with career burnout. We are so far from family now and although we have some friends and distant relatives giving support locally, I feel as though I have let my family down. It hurts to know my wife is also depressed about the choice I've made. I feel like it would even be 2 years before I could get back to where I was 5 months ago. Everyday gets worse with the pain and guilt. I keep trying to have a positive outlook, but I get jealous of the path I could have had with my other opportunity. I've been reading about self-forgiveness but I can't get out of this internal suffering. I used to be so healthy and entergetic - now I feel like I'm going to be infested with disease from all of this stress. I can't handle the pressures right now. I just want to feel happy again and move on. I pray every night that I will wake up the day before I made the wrong decision, so I could fix my mistake. I try and act happy around my 6 month old because I don't want him to feel my pain. Why does this have to be so painful? Why can't I just let go? I'm so afraid my mental health is soon going to affect my work performance and jeapordize my family financially. I try to focus on each day at a time. Yesterday had some decent moments again, but then today is plagued with depression, guilt, and fear. I've been trying to relax, but then small things trigger the negative thoughts. I don't know what else to do anymore other than cry and weep. This is so painful. I need this to get better.

CShaneGO, You seem to be at a crossroad right now. Perhaps you can try another therapist. Talk to your doctor and let him/her know that you need help. Together you can work out a plan or system that reflects what you need. Hold strong and focus one day at a time. Try some relaxation techniques to wash away the negativity. Keep us updated, we are here to help your through this. Josie ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team.

I'm struggling with the same issue, too. I keep trying to accept decisions I've made, get a positive outlook, and move on - but I can't get past the self-hatred, guilt, and anger. My negative thoughts always drowned out the optimism. I usually can't make it thru one work day with out running out to my car to sit and have a breakdown, or waking up at night wishing this suffering was over. Has anyone found any good books on self-forgiveness? I need help so bad. I had a therapist - but I felt she only listened and didn't give me any advice. I dream to be the person I used to be one year ago - before my depression set in. I have so much to be grateful for, and I try to focus on that - but the negative thoughts always sneak back in. I'm hurting so bad inside.

Hi, I'm sorry I can't help you by giving you the answer. I just wanted to thank you for bringing up something that's been bothering me a while now. I find the same thing to be true. I can make lovely rational arguements to it all, but they don't really sink in. I still feel the same way. It's great to make all these arguements about it, but it doesn't change how you feel at all. I can even pretend to go along with the new ideas but it just seems like a lie, and that I'm just suppressing what I know to be really true. Perhaps someone else can give us further insight. Until then I guess it's just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

Hello everyone. I am currently in therapy and am taking 300mg Wellbutrin XL. Not working. My rational self is perfectly capable of reframing my negative thoughts. The problem is, this does nothing for me. I'm wondering if anyone here has succesfully made the jump from saying all of the right things to actually believing them. Even when I give myself a reality check, it's merely words. My emotions just don't get it.