Hello everybody out there! Im new to this site(just joined yesterday). Well basically ive been reading some of the other posts and i think im in the right place. I just wanna start off by telling you my story(hopefully i wont bore you too much!) For as long as i can remember ive had really low self esteem, i always felt i was well just not quite good as others were. I suppose that started off with my earliest memories being bullied, i was always the odd one out my street, i still dont know why, id be the one left out in games etc. and in school i was bullied as well. I guess it wasnt immediatly effecting me then but i still felt i wasnt quite as good as everyone else. In school i wasnt particularly academic, so therefore thought i wasnt as "brainy" as evryone else. Though ive since learned that im very intelligent. I changed schools and that was even worse, from day one the teacher picked on me, and therefore the other kids thought i was stupid, so my answer to this was to try to get attention by being the"rebel" i guess, thinking i was mad and hard. In secondary school i became withdrawn again, i started going out and realising i wasnt getting the attention from boys i wanted(i was a little overweight), i eat to hide my pain i guess. I wanted attention in everyway, anyway, this took me over, my school work was slacking and therefore i wasnt to favourable with the other kids. In my second year in secondary school i took my first panic attack. I guess this had been building up over the years, and it was comming out like this. When i got over my attacks i began to sleep around a bit, i thought for the first time in my life i was getting attention from guys, and it was great, i didnt care that i never saw them again, neither did i care about my schoolwork or anything. This took over my i was on a high from this. I met a girl similar to me and we self destructed ourselfs together. There was one guy i slept with and afterwards he treated me like absoloute ****, he really put me down about my looks, he told me i was fat and ugly, and id never get another guy. Another experience also happened to me about that time, which led me to take more panic attacks, and i soon developed obbsesive compulsive disorded around this time, my panic and obsessions took me ove