Hi rascilon, I can empathize. I've had the same "blah" feelings overwhelming me for the past year too. I'm glad to see you have a positive attitude and are trying to resolve the issue. About 5 months ago, I stopped drinking alcohol to try and rid of the depression that would follow it. I've been facing the issue - and it's been extremely tough. I'm not a doctor, but I'd recommend trying to get rid of the drugs and alcohol... it may help you get to deep issue. I've been using a site called coping.org that has some great tools to get over guilt and self-affirmations, etc. Your issues are not trivial. I first found this site after making a wrong decision on a job and relocation near family. As trivial as that may sound, it has caused me to have extreme guilt and has bothered me more than my career burnout (which has compounded it). I've had some good recovery by researching each day online about depression, guilt, self-hatred, self-forgiveness, etc. I still have some really bad days, but a few days are now managable.

Yeah I know how you feel, but if you have hope that is very good. Because without hope for the future you really are truely lost. You say to yourself that you were not able adapt, but honestly, these women obviously liked you because of who you are and maybe things just didn't work out because you two had different views on some things. At least you have been in a relationship, I have never been in a relationship, I am not quite as old as you but still I am 20 and have never experienced anything in the relationship world with women so consider yourself to at least have the experience of a relationship under your belt and that will help you in future relationships. And man, I am in college now and I am scared I won't get a job or find a job when I get out. So that is another thing you have, a job that you can obviously preform well and make money at it. You have a house, a car, you have food, health. Say you find the right girl, I bet things could turn around real quick. As for doing drugs and drinking, really all that is doing is masking the pain and your problems. Sure pain hurts and no one likes it but sometimes its benefical and we can learn from it and change, but you can't do that if your drunk. Keep your head up though, I know how you feel, but you od have a stable life right now, its hard to see that because of the depression you are in, but from a outsider looking in, you are in a good position and things can change if you let them change.

Hello rascilon, You have come to the right place! Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. If you have any question or concerns with our site or please contact Support Department at support@depressioncenter.net. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Also, if you go to www.stopsmokingcenter.net and www.paniccenter.net you may find helpful information and forums that might help guide you with your concerns regarding your smoking, and panic you have talked about. Have you spoken to your doctor about all of your concerns? Looking forward to hearing from you soon! Angela, __________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team Edited on 12/7/2004 @ 10:29:03 AM by The Support Team

Hello Group, I found this site tonight, because for some time I have been feeling trapped, lonely, stagnant, and depressed. To my suprise, I already had an account here, which means I must have had these same thoughts long enough ago, that I can't remember. Compared to some of the trials other users are going through on this site, my issues feel trivial. I am an employed 29 year old man, living in beautiful Monterey, but I am unhappy. I feel lucky to be healthy, housed, and employed, but the last 3-4 years of my life have lacked any color or vibrance. I feel like I'm living life in black and white. I panic when I am in any situation where I don't have control of my environment. While I can cope with the demands at work, I feel very unhappy when unexpected situations arise, or I don't have the answer immediately. In my personal life, I can't ever be impulsive, and I have a hard time even hanging out at a friends house because it's not MY environment. I have created this habitat in my home, that while comfortable and predictable, leads to a feeling of imprisonment over the weeks, months, years. My relationships with women have all collapsed under my inabilty to adapt. Even in situations where I was truly, deeply in love, I was unable make even modest concessions. I currently struggle with alcoholism, pot addiction, and cigarette smoking. At this point in my life, I engage in these activities more out of helplessness than curiosity or acceptance. While these drugs offer an escape from my pain in the short term, I know that they are hurting me both physically and emotionally. I was raised in a very strict Mormon home, and for brevities sake, let me say that I made choices that were the anti-thesis of what my authoritarian parents expected of me. It was not until I was 25 or so, that I "woke up" to the possibility that these choices weren't automatically good for me as a result. In fact, my new controlled lifestyle, comes in no small part from my fear of those years between 18-25, when I dabbled in drug and sexual alternatives. My parents and I have reconciled somewhat in the past year, but to a very real extent I feel I have to hide my problems from them because I don't accept them myself. I want more than anything to have