Hi,
I'm currently unemployed also. In past jobs, it was embarrassing the way I'd miss the obvious. And because my thinking was usually so cluttered and strange to others, people often looked at me funny. When I was learning to wield a chainsaw for my last job, I got a lot of people frustrated and annoyed with me. But they didn't act this way with the rest of all the "normal" workers. It took me longer to catch on with things and now I'm finding this to be a real problem in college. I'm going to school to become "more hireable" and to be in a career that is life fulfilling and yet one I can actually live on instead of living from paycheck to paycheck. I've found real quickly that I seem to come across everyone i meet that I'm dumb and slow (chemistry and calculus aren't exactly good subjects for someone with depression to first start college again after about a 14 year absence from both!)and underaverage, when years ago, before the weight of depression took hold me, I was an overachiever and bound to be a professional violinist and/or artist. Many people believed in me and assumed this would happen. And I thought i wanted it bad enough to go after this dream with everything I had in me. Guess not. After a few miserable relationship failures, it looks like I sacrificed all my talents in pursuit of happiness for a partner of the opp. sex. I didn't develop myself as a person over all these years and now i feel i have nothing to show for the early promise I was starting to be years ago. Now, not even i believe in myself anymore. There's really not a day that goes by where I don't think about all this and what i've lost!!!!I'm so depressed these days.
Larsienne
