hello starr. i think many of us struggle more this time of year. christmas is stressful for anyone and for those of use who also are dealing with mental illness, it can be even worse. i have given up trying to pretend that everything is okay when it isn't. my family has to understand that things are not always okay and they have to be comfortable with things not being okay with me.
i went on a trip to las vegas with my three sisters a couple of months ago. i almost backed out because that was a period of time when i think i was at my worst. for no identifiable reason, i had one of my "meltdowns" while we were there and i knew that it made my sisters very uncomfortable. it is difficult for others to understand what we are feeling but i think i finally got through to them. i had to reassure them when i am going through the difficult periods, it is okay. they don't have to say or do anything for me. if i need them, i know they are there for me but they can't let it bother them that i have have these low moments. they are my low moments, not theirs. as a good friend told me, "this too shall pass" and he has always been right. i was wasting too much energy trying to help others deal with my problem.
i am sorry if i am rambling. sometimes it is hard to put into words what i mean. my point in all this is that you need to just take a deep breath and tell yourself that it will be okay. i am sure your family loves you and this is really a bit of a milestone for you and your partner. a first christmas together. you have to do what is best for starr and not worry about pleasing everyone else. think about the positives of what you will get out of spending the day
with people who you care about and who in return, care about you. if it becomes tool overwhelming, admit to them that it is, rather than put on a brave face. But you still have three days before Christmas. plenty of time to turn your thoughts into positive ones that will make the whole experience better for you.
A friend told me recently, "The reason that angels can fly, because they take themselves lightly". Something I have been thinking a lot about since i heard it and you know what, I have decided that I want to be like an angel and not let the weight of life keep me fro