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for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara: Well, the books I'm reading mostly has to do with having peace through God, and another book which my sister sent to me called "the purpose driven". It mostly has to do with finding purpose for my life through God. But I'll definitely keep an eye out for a book you might be interested in. It's so easy to get distracted when you're working at home. You start your day so early in the morning. And from what I remember, I think you said you worked out as well? If you're looking to get your energy up, exercise is certainly a good way to go about it. If you work out at home, may I suggest maybe you join a gym? I personally don't get much out of working out alone so I take those cardio kickboxing classes at the gym among some other classes. And since you work at home and you say you miss people sometimes, I think it'd be a good way for you to be around people. I don't really socialize at the gym. But it kind of feels nice to have people around you and working up a sweat. Well, I'm also beginning to enjoy the wet sauna afterwards. ^_^ It's certainly got my energy up. Of course, it might not work for you but you never know until you try! I always have so much to say. I feel little bad writing so much. Sorry for making these posts so long. And I'm really glad to have you guys to talk to as well.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Carry: I'd appreciate any book recommendations you may have. I'm interested is something proactive. You know, something that gets me to do something. I can't seem to get any energy up. I started the laundry at 6:30 this morning & I'm still not done. (I work from home)I'm so fortunate I don't have to deal w/rush hour traffic or work clothes. Sometimes I miss other people. I'm glad I have you to talk to. T/Y

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Dear Barbara and Kitn, It's kind of ironic how we are able to help other people. But when it comes to ourselves, we simply don't know how. The good news is, we are still capable of helping others instead of causing harm to society lashing out our anger. I think it's a good sign that we're all communicating and showing how we can care for total strangers who's hurting. We're reaching out and we know that there's someone on the other side to take that hand. That itself is a big comfort. I'm really glad I found this site. Sharing with people that really understands what I'm going through is helping alot to easy some of the pain and the loneliness. BTW Barbara, I know what you mean about the self help book section. I went there to buy a book call "coulda, shoulda, woulda" after hearing about it on the radio. It was all out so I ended up getting another book which I think I mentioned yesterday. I think it's the first time I've actually bought a book because I really wanted to. ^_^ Please let me know if you have any suggestion for reading. And if you'd like, I'd be happy to make recommend as well.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Dear Carry: You sound like such a gentle soul. Thank you for your encouragement.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Kitn: I don't know if it's just anger buried inside us. I believe there's also fear. Fear of history repeating itself maybe. I don't know. I went to the bookstore this afternoon. The self help section is ridiculous. There's a book for every phobia, symptom, anxiety... you name it. But nothing touched me. Nothing inspired me. In my family I'm known as the tough one. If anything's wrong or someone needs help, they call me. I'm ok helping my sisters, why can't I help myself?

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 15

Hello Barbara I thank you so very much for that blue candle you lit for me I thought Heaven right off and when you thought serenity for me tears came to my eyes.What a beautiful thing to do for somebody you don't even know I pray that God really helps you in a special way.It takes alot of love to think of somebody else's problems and doing something so sincere for them. It showed me what a beautiful person you must be and I really from the bottom of my heart ty barbara. you know what you said last night about depression being anger turned inside out I can't get that out of my mind.do you think its that that puts up the walls that prevents us from trusting and letting ppl just get so close?? You now I have good repore with my pycologist; but I know what I just cannot say and I know if I did I could heal a big part of my burden so to speak.I know there is a God a trinity of one cause I'm alive and walking today but how to really apply god to a heaviness like we all have I don't know in a way I do but consistently I no i block out. I sure do hope all of us can get the right answer to a freedom from all this hurt and anger I know its not whatwas meant for us so I don care about why me and all that i just wanna forget yesterday and live today only sure is easier said than done I ure didnt mean to write a book here but i even thoughtif i could that it would help. I hope i made you all smile like you'se did me--- Kit [font=Arial Black]Text[/font][color=Teal]Text[/color][size=2]Text[/size]

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Barbara.. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I think she's an inspiration. I have hard enough time trying to handle the stage I'm in now. I truely admire your sister's courage. And I also think you have alot of courage coming this far. Even though we're all suffering, us being here shows courage and some kind of determination to want to get better and live a happy life. I hope each and every one of us find that peace in our hearts someday.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Your sister didn't get it. I takes a lot of courage just to live the way we've been living. I had a sister who suffered from Sarcodosis. For her it was debilitating. She was paralyzed from the chest down. She couldn't move a muscle but she could feel pain. Being unable to move "depressed" her internal organs until she had to get them out one by one. She had the courage to LIVE. We both know it takes something to end it all. The question is: What is fanning that dumb ass spark of hope that is keeping us alive? Is it that unknown Other that created us? Or, is it something inside ourselves that stays our hand? I sound like a contradiction. I want you to get better. I want you to recognize joy, splendor,laughter, harmony, peace, contentment and all the other good feelings that keep everyone else going. I want it for you, me and everyone else whose reading this. I just don't know where to find it.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 84

Hi Barbara, Thank you for lighting a candle for us and thinking of us. It's amazing how encouraging it is to know that someone out there, whom you've never met before cares that much for you. I know what you mean about feeling "out of touch". I guess that's how I'm feeling as well. And maybe that's why I'm feeling so anxious and just plain bad. I hated going to bed and waking up in the mornings. For one, like you I couldn't sleep and all these memories and thoughts were shouting in my head. And once I finally fell asleep, it was time for me to wake up. Which is when reality hits me and I realize how miserible I am. I'm sleeping alot better now. I also goto the gym about 5-6 times a week. By the end of the day, my body and mind is just so tired, I've been falling asleep while talking to God. I also know what you mean about family. They mean well... But sometimes... Like you said... They can be more of a burden then help. Most of my life, I've been living for my parents. I think I was about 8 or so when I decided, "if my parents die... I'm going to die with them..." Since I've gotten much older, that idea's being slowly changed. Oh so many issues... Everytime I get bad thoughts or remember something painfull, I recite the Lord's Prayer or anything verse to counter act it. But I feel the power fading as well. Maybe I need to memorize new verses. One time I broke down and talked to my sister. Told her I don't know what to do and that I feel like I'm going to do something stupid. She said... "it takes alot of courage to harm oneself. You're not that couragous so I know you won't do anything to yourself so don't worry about that..." She's right. I'm too much of a coward to do anything to myself. And I'm so tired of living. I'm just waiting for God to take me. But till He calls for me. I have to try my best. I'm sure we can work through this. For one reason or another, we're all here so that we can live. You guys will be in my prayers.

for 20 år siden 0 +0 / -0 142

Jasmine73: I thought about you this morning. I also lit a candle for you. It is light green like a peridot. I imagined many facets sparkling and shining. I thought of you seeing all the different aspects of yourself. I imagined you seeing yourself from the eyes of someone who loved you for everything you are.

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Hi everybody!