p.s. Im in the same boat as you, 17 years together may be gone. :sad: I may be able to help you talk to your wife help her understand so you andher do not have to face what I am facing.

Hello my croation brother. Yes we know each other. Anytime you just want some one to talk to, call me, email me, write me, Im here for you.

Hey there, I know what you mean about feeling better and wanting to stop the meds. But you know how I think of it? Like a diabetic who needs insulin. He can't "will" himself to be better, he can't "suck it up", he has a physical need. And the same is true for depression. If you get to feeling better, then good! But don't stop your meds!!! Whether it is depression, PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) or a combination of the two (which I think it might be), you have a road to travel, so stay the course and stay on your meds, and with your counseling. I've seen great outcomes at the VA and other places. The only thing that will show your wife, is time; her seeing that you are committed to this, and that you are trying, and that you care. Hang in there!

He Great hearing from you so soon. My doctor has recently told me that I will be on meds for the rest of my life. I left it about 4 months ago and everything was chaos. I also believe in your positive attitude. That is really the only thing that will eventually cure us all. You know, I wonder if you haven't been on the worst level and you are now on the way up. It sure sounds like that. The fact that you say that you know you shouldn't deploy now but use the meds and counselling to get better is the best decision you ever could have made. You explain why you chose the job you chose. I believe that you would love to do something more worthwhile, (I am not saying you're not) but you are doing what you are doing for the wrong reason. It is great to hear that you are determined to get better. Your fear of not taking the medication is really valid. Keep taking them and keep thinking positively like you do. You're wife might eventually realise that you are fine. Don't make that a huge issue, even though it might be for you, but keep working on yourself and your thoughts.

Hey densam thanks for advice. I have had depressive episodes for quite some time. I never really thought that it was depression. I always blamed my sadness and anxiety, anger on events that were happening at the time. My doctor said that I have major depression at this time, which was caused by stress. Such as going back to Iraq, my stressful job, being away from my family. I didn't realize why I chose the job I chose, but now that I think about it, I know. I have a dangerous job and I didn't really care if anything happened to me. My doctors ask me constantly if I feel suicidal. Not suicidal, just don't care if I live. Danger doesn't matter when I am depressed. I feel like the counseling along with the medication is working a little. I am unable to sleep still, even though I take sleep medication (temazapam)at night. So during the day my wellbutrin keeps me awake and I feel like a walking zombie. I don't feel bad anymore that I will not be deploying again with my buddies. I know that I need to stay with the counseling and meds. I know I would go right back to where I was when I was off the medication. I am keeping a positive attitude and I am just working on my well being and happiness. I do hope that my wife will see how hard I am trying and someday see the real me that she married. I have the body of the man she married, but not the spirit. Positive thinking is the key. I have been reading the posts here and I also write a journal to let my thoughts and feelings out instead of letting my mind race a hundred miles a minute. I am determined to get better, but I do get scared thinking that it could get worse before it gets better. I also fear that I may want to stop the medication because I feel better or the doc might want me to stop and I go right back to starting point. Only time will tell. Thanks for the support.

Hi BombSqd69 I was actually writing to you yesterday, but something happened and I wasn't able to send the message. I do not think I can give you good advice but maybe I can tell you some things that you might relate to. My brother was in the war in 1985. He spent 18 months on the border, and was airlifted out only because our father passed away and they sent him back. He was totally screwed up and out of touch with reality. He was so vacant that you were not able to have a decent discussion with him. Years later he would tell us (especially when he was drunk) what he saw and experienced. He was and I think (I don't see my family often anymore) still is very angry. I can understand that he is angry, but the anger should be directed at the "enemy" and not people you love. The unfortunate thing is that the "enemy" doesn't exist anymore for him. I suppose for you it is still there. I must tell you that you really did the right thing going for counselling. My brother still believes that people going for counselling are "mad". Funny that his sibling has been going for counselling on and off for 22 years. He lost his wife, house, child, car and everything he owned. He walked out of the house with the clothes on his back. He re-married last Saturday and although I wasn't there I hope this time he will make it work. Sorry about wrangbling on about us. Let us talk about you. To be quite honest, I am glad that you say you can't blame your wife for being angry. When did you start getting angry and moody with her? Only now after you came back from Iraq or was it before that? I am just also wondering (and please I am far from a doctor of counsellor) whether you are really suffering from depression or post traumatic stress disorder. As I understand they are different, which means they should be treated differently. (Just a thought) If it started before you went to Iraq, then obviously Iraq wasn't the major problem, but just an "excuse" for some behaviour that might have been there all along. I apologise if I am harsh, but I have been through stuff like this with my brother, and that also adds to me not really wanting to talk or visit him. I do not think you must force the issue with your wife. If you cannot sort yourself and your problems out first, it w

I was just recently diagnosed with major depression. I am in the United States Army and I have a very very stressful job. I disarm the roadside bombs (IED's)everyone is seeing on television killing our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters. My depression was onset by my situation in Iraq. It's been over a year since I was in Iraq, and I just now got help. I am married (over 7 years)with 3 children. I love my wife and children dearly, but I did not seek help until recently because my wife wants a divorce. She couldn't put up with my odd, agitated and angry behavior. I thought that I would get over my anxiety, anger, sadness with time but that did not work. I did not want to put my job in jeopardy either. How can I do what I do if I am taking medication. I want to talk to my wife and tell her the things I have said and done are not because of her, but because of my illness. I don't know what to say to her because she is so angry and feels she has nothing left to give. I love her and she is the one who finally pushed me to get help. What can I say or do to show her that I love her and I am trying to get well? I don't blame her for being angry. I just want to try and make my marriage work. I am taking wellbutrin during the day and a sleep medication at night. I am talking to a therapist once or twice a week. I am not allowed to perform my job at this time and I will not be able to deploy with my friends and coworkers in about a month. I feel I am letting my buddies down and I feel useless at work. I am not allowed to do anything but menial tasks. I want to feel better not useless. Well, if anyone has some good feedback or anything to tell me, I would appreciate anything. I need to talk.