Eva, it's hard to go through the depression and anxiety, but it is even harder when you feel you do not have support from your family or close relationships. I was just released from the hospital on Saturday after a suicide attempt (I probably need to mention that this was my second attempt in less than a month). Neither my parents nor my brother attempted to contact me, only my boyfriend. My boyfriend keeps telling me my family just doesn't understand, but it still hurts. Yes, I probably need to talk to them about it, but right now, I cannot. I don't know why I am so sad. How can I explain that to people I know will never understand?
I understand how you feel, Eva. I read your message and I see myself. The only thing I can give you right now to help you is one of the things I said in group therapy in the hospital:
I have spent my entire life being beat down; from my family, from my ex-husband, from my so called friends. You don't get over that hurt in a couple of days. It will take me months, maybe even years. But I know I don't want to feel like this any longer. I'm tired of being so depressed and so sad and so alone. But no one can see all those good things in me if I cannot see them. So, today, I will see something positive in myself and I will say it out loud and I will say it to someone else. I will say it and I will believe it and I will be worthy of it.
I am sorry if this is rambling; I am still getting used to my new meds. Eva, I do wish you the best of luck. You are stronger than you think you are. You are trying. I'm not going to say try harder, because I know you are doing what you can. But do try to find someone who is supportive of you. Just one person can help. You need that and you deserve it!
Best of luck!
