i've never posted to any online group like this, but i'm finding myself just wanting to think out loud. i don't know if i'm depressed, but i've been very down the past couple of weeks. most of all, i feel a crushing sense of loneliness. about a year ago, i ended an 11-year relationship, and i don't think i'm over it yet. i don't have very many good friends, and i feel like the friends i do have are sick of me. i'm not that close with my parents, although i would like to be. i don't want to tell them that i've been crying for seven days straight because i don't want them to worry about me. i have a supposedly good job, but i despise it and feel like i'm wasting my life at it. i feel trapped and alone and powerless. i can't get myself to do anything lately except go to work and come home and sit on the couch and go to bed. i feel like i drive people away and that maybe i'm not a good person. i try to be - i try to be a good friend and to be generous and kind and fun, i really do. i wonder if other people feel this way too. i mean, is it normal for me to be questioning if i'm a good person? i feel profoundly alone and at sea and maybe i just deserve that or maybe that is just my lot in life or something. and i'm just so scared that i'm going to be trapped and alone and paralyzed forever. i just want to be happy. i'm so tired of crying. i don't know what to do.
