Hi everyone,
I am new to this site and not quite sure where to begin. I have been diagnosed with severe depression for the past 10 years and have been on various types of medication. Right now I am taking Wellbutrin and Lexapro. It works ok, but I still get down frequently.
I am especially down today, because a year ago tomorrow, my father died of a brain tumor. I still miss him so much. He was a wonderful man and I loved him very much. My mother died when I was 20 (I am 39 now, almost 40), but I think I've been able to deal with that in the past 20 years.
When one thing brings me down, then ALL the things I am depressed about get me down. First, I have rheumatoid arthritis and everyday is a struggle. I do work full time, but in the morning, I have to FORCE myself to get ready, so that I can earn a paycheck. Second, because of my rheumatoid arthritis, I take very strong medications and as a result, am unable to try and concieve children. I can't go off the meds, but I would have to in order to have a child. If I did that, I am afraid that I would become completely disabled. I know that my husband and I can adopt (which we have discussed) but that doesn't make me any less sad.
The one thing that does make me happy is my job. I teach music in elementary school and I get alot of satisfaction from seeing my students enjoy music.
I know there is more to life than my job, but lately I don't know what it is. I need to see a therapist, (besides the person that prescribes my meds), but I haven't found one that I feel comfortable sharing my feelings with.
If any one can offer any advice, I would really appreciate it.
