Hi, In response to your message just want to say that it sounds to me as though your problem is definitely a physical one that could be greatly helped by a good psychopharmacologist ie. just a little anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication. Go to someone who specializes in this problem. Internists do not!If you don't feel better after a couple of months you can always go off it. My husband suffered from severe panic attacks for years. He is on something now and hasn't had one since starting his medication. It is just wonderful not to have that going on in our lives.

hmsher all your problems are in your head....how often have you heard that? i am sort of in the same situation as you are. my successes have certainly outweighed my failures, but i am drowning in a sea of depression, though i have much to be thankful for. my current approach is to not expect great things from myself. i set very small goals, i celebrate small successes. i try accept myself, with all my foibles. i will take time to enjoy a few things. if i am totally stressed i will do something i enjoy. currently, i am going to focus on steve nash and his drive to the NBA championships since he is canadian. i will try to catch his games, though i don't generally watch TV ...my theory is i should be doing something physical instead. Quite frankly you sound like you have a great deal going for you... wife,kids, good income, intelligence, faith,etc etc. my advice is that you should love yourself more. you should be proud of what you have done. your depression is not your fault. you will probably never cure it...but you have to find ways to live with it. you have to look for situations in life that will give you moments of pleasure. posting on here i think is good for us depressed people. i hope to hear more from you. tell me how your faith helps you cope..or does it? I am interested in becoming more spiritual and moving closer to God...but i can't seem to create a great deal of emotional response within myself, most of the time. good luck in obtaining your new job...people are impressed by you...you are doing some good stuff...you have to pat yourself on the back ocassionally. take care bob

Hello hmsher Always on the run I don't have much time to write. The only thing I want to say here is that NO-ONE was born to suffer. I don't want to go into a huge discussion about this, because that can take all day, but we are here to learn and to eventually be happy. Some of us just takes longer to reach happiness.

I have written a few responses but have not started a discussion. I thought I would spill my guts and tell my story, but something has come up. During this past winter, I worked full-time, taught 2 college courses, lost my father to a short unsuspected bout of cancer and had a hectic tax prep season. One night laying in bed, I had a bad anxiety/panic attack. I felt so disorganized and out of control. The walls were crashing down. I thought I was going to cry. I felt so infantile; like I don't know anything. I know I am not stupid, but I find that i am always questioning myself. I hate my full-time job and have been looking, but I can't travel and typically I find I make too much money at this job; others don't want to pay that much for the lack of experience I have. There is a certain comfort where I am, because I have been here so long. I can do the job ok and get through it. Although business has been bad the past few years so there is no guarantee. I just interviewed for a new job. It went well, I think I gave the right answers and discussion. I know if I get this new job, it will be the same old thing. I will get stupid and infantile. I will ask stupid questions that I know I know the answer, but won't be able to think of it. I know I will make stupid mistakes either in written reports or mistyping numbers. something in my profession (cpa/accountant/consultnat) I can't afford to do. I did talk to my internest about over-the-counter antidepressants. He recommended counseling. G-d, I don't want to go. I don't want to tell my family. I had tried so many times in the past to talk to my wife, but she says it is all in my head and she can't help. Then when I don't talk to her, she gets on my about not opening up. I feel when I do tell her stuff it empoweres her, and weakens me. I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. I know it is a byproduct of my father and not being able to do what is right. I feel so weak when I tell my tale. Every phych professional I have seen, tells me it is not my fault and that if I could get through it on my own I would have been able to. Why can't we just talk our way out of this mess? I have really turned toward G-d in the past few years. But the more I do, the more roadblocks