Thanks for your comments. Can I just first say thanks for not judging me and secondly, something Bob said is so true, you said not to rely on the doctor's and the medication and I think that's something I'm learning slowly but surely. I know I have to help myself and I know I haven't done that up to this point. I'm feeling quite calm right now. I have been journaling and I'm looking forward to going back to work tomorrow. I've decided to try harder to send the kids little letters and surprises and things to let them know I'm thinking of them and that's helping too. Thanks so much.

somehope you cannot just rely on government therapy and medication. i think you have to take some small steps such as you have done in writing to this site. perhaps you can start a journal writing down your feelings and thoughts...exercise. look for support groups and community organizations that might help you. i suspect that the official government system may be slow and cumbersome in helping you, though probably beneficial. i suspect there is no quick fix. set priorities...take small steps...celebrate small successes. skipping work, i think probably puts you into a deeper hole of failure and depression. i think work might offer you some social diversity, satisfaction, stability etc. whatever...you can only do what you can handle. accept yourself...forgive yourself and your previous husband, if you can, for past failures. those are a few thoughts off the top of my head. possibly some of this may connect with your life. a relative was bi-polar and her life was certainly very erratic and complicated. From that experience i feel that most bi-polar people need professional help and medication. take care bob

WOW!!! I can certainly see why you feel the way you do. Perhaps you need to consentrate on one problem at a time. If you put all your problems in one basket, you can quickly become overwhelmed. You ARE NOT a bad person because of the dessions you've made. In fact, under the cercumstances, having you children stay with your ex was probably a good thing. Keep in touch with them as much as you can, e-mail, mail, phone and what not. That is what they'll remember most. You are lucky to have a good husband that supports your efforts in getting back to the states and I am sure in time you will. Patients is a virtue. Good luck.

Somehope, Welcome to our support community. You have come to the right place. Please feel free to roam the site at your own pace. If you look to the left of the screen under "TOOLS" you will find our Depression Test. This test is not a diagnostic tool and is not a replacement or substitute for a physician's advice. The purpose of these tests is to prepare you with information that you can present to your physician. When you're finished the test, you can either print your Final Report or email it directly to your doctor. This may help better assess the situation for you and your doctor. Please post messages often as the online support group is very knowledgeable and helpful. If you have any question or concerns with our site or please contact Support Department at support@depressioncenter.net. We are open to any questions or concerns you may have. Looking forward to hearing from you soon and we thank you for sharing your story! Josie ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team.

I'm new here. I've decided recently that the time has come to get myself sorted out. I've been depressed in one form or another all my life- from simple low self esteem to depressed enough for medication to severe post partum depression and now I'm not sure if I could have bipolar disorder or not but my doctor tells me it's quite possible. I'm about to start therapy again but the next available appointment I can get is for June 17, so I'm waiting and taking my efexor and trying to help myself as much as possible. I guess one of the biggest things I'm trying to deal with here is the guilt and shame I feel every second of every day for making some of the worst desicions of my life. It would be easier to accept if those desicions didn't involve other people, namely my 2 preschool aged children. In the past two years, I've gone through a divorce and left my kids with my ex husband in Alabama and moved to England where I've remarried. Now, my husband (who is lovely and supportive) and I are trying to get back to the states so that we can take part in the children's lives, but we have setbacks in the way of money and getting a visa so my husband, who is English, can work in the states. I think I may go crazy in the time it's going to take to get things taken care of. I'm horrible with money and have lost everything financially. Now, my child support is behind because I only pay it sometimes and I have no savings. I've just been off work for over a week because I just couldn't be bothered to go because I wasn't feeling well. Depression is eating me alive and my guilt and shame is taking what's left. There were lots of factors that led me to make those decisions but on the outside and I guess the inside too it still looks as if I am the one who did these things. What do you do when you are your own worse enemy? If I dig my heels in and do everything I need to do to get my husband and myself back to the states to try and rebuild my closeness with the children and work hard at making and saving money and paying off debts, will I be able to repair all the damage I have done? I need some hope and I need to know I'm not a bad person and that I wasn't just selfish and stupid but that I did the best I could and I just couldn't handle it anymore so I had a