You’re very aware of what is happening to you. The worse you feel, the harder you try. Sounds like something I went through, try what I did. Have a family member or friend come over (if none available, try this on line to me) yell and scream that it’s all over, the battle is lost! Let your self go in the other direction. The harder you try to make yourself feel bad, the better will feel, (explain your goals to your family and friends when your finished). We love you!

i gurantee everyone here can relate to your feelings i'am sure everyone here has experienced them at one time or another. you sumed it up very well i couldnt have explained it so adequetly and breif as you did. sorry my spelling doesnt keep up with me. this is what i have found, i waited 4 years for someone to notice how miserable i was and take pitty on me and give me there sympathy. but people with depression cant be helped by people with depression its a never ending cycle of whose feeling sadder and what stupid life threatning stunt you pulled today. it just doesnt work. sure a sight like this is contradicting my theory on this because you always see people saying oh thanks for your words of encouragement it really helps. yeah it really helps for that moment. for that time when your just pouring out your thoughts knowing someone is going to read them and give you some sort of input with out knowing who you are where you are. sure it feels good. we are all getting the attention we have been desiring, someone to notice. but the trick is you have to take action for yourself because the fact of the matter is when you put that pen down or when you step away from your computer your going to have to face the realities of the world and the things you so badly just wish to ignore and hide in a dark corner from. so call your doc tell them just how you feel. you dont have to say your depressed , i just explained to my doc how i was feeling and he suggested depression and i said yeah i guess that could be it (still in denial) but i got the medicine and took it daily because after 4 years of how you feel and whatching friends slowly drift away i was willing to try anything. and the result i'am feeling much better no i'am feeling 70% better i still have my days and i know i wont fully get better until i accomplish some things like going back to school getting my life on track etc. you cant just jump out of this black hole you have to dig ,crawl and fight your way out. and if you have seen a doc good great ihope he gave you some meds to try out. and remember the meds are suppose to make you feel mentally better not worse. if at anytime you start to feel worse everyone should always contact there doc. my first meds sent me into a sinking hole of suicidal thoughts a

The only I can help, is by telling you aren't alone. I feel the same way, and I too have tried to come out of this black hole. So, for whatever it's worth, you aren't alone. Finding someone who truly cares is a very hard thing. Sometimes people care, it just isn't in a very helpful way.

Today just isn't a good day. I feel alone and invisable to the world. I feel useless. I've been writing in my journal, but it isn't helping much. I can't stand myself when I'm in one of these moods. How can I expect anyone else to want to deal with me. I just want to be normal. I want to fit in and belong. I want this feeling to go away! I feel like I'm fighting a loosing battle. The depression is winning. I just need someone to care. Is that too much to ask for? Sorry for going on and on. Just needed to vent.