woh! jsut read this post and sounding even MORE illogical! hope you could get all the 'shes' in this - bit confusing... x

thanks for your replies everyone - it helped to just get it out. i've been v bad-tempered today! my daughter wants therapy but i have had a lot of psychotherapy and i really don't think this is the right type of therapy for her. she is 17. she just hates this doc and i don't like the woman too, though i've tried my best with her. i hate to say it (or do i? NO!) but she is very smug. my son and her daughter go to the same cello teacher and i saw her daughter at a concert before i knew who she was and i thought 'woh! there's a miss prig' and i'm not usually that judgmental but it stood out. then i saw who the mother was! aha i thought.... she's the type who thinks that nothing dirty like depression could happen to her. silly woman. i'm ranting again - sorry! it's just the way i have been locked out and from a snooty height told how to bring up my kids - when she's only been with us for maybe 10-15 mins in total! we've had a tough life tbh and we've done brilliantly. there is stuff my daughter needs to see to and i know that and support her in that 100% but i don't want some toffy nosed woman making big decisions like this over my head. i am very worried she is being introduced into the mental health system and in this country that could be a disaster. it might be paranoia but the cello teacher is a mutual contact and the cello teacher has made it quite plain that she thinks my abusve ex is the best thing god ever put on the earth and that i'm a troublemaker. i talked to her right at the beginning because i had just come out of the divorce trial (which i lost and had an extremely bad judgment) and my ex was playing games with cello lessons - so i told her. as soon as she met him she made it clear whose side she was on - this isn't the first time. i fact, the bane of my life are these women who fall at my ex's feet. tiresome. i am concerned that doc and cello teacher are more than acquantances which is why doc has jumped to a strong conclusion so quickly. oh sorry - going on and on and ON. i read back my first post and i sound illogical - but i know i'm not! it's also a different health system here and hard to explain. i'd better shut up now! bella x

Hi Bella, The thing I noticed is if your daughter is in high school or college, there will be some confidentiallity issues regarding her treatment plan. When I was in treatment, I had to sign release forms before the therapist could so much as tell my husband I was in the building if he had to call and leave me a message about anything. If your daughter agrees, maybe you could go to a session with her and then her therapist could explain things to both of you.

Dear Bella, Take some deep breaths and let yourself be for awhile. When we are depressed we feel so vulnerable and it is easy sometimes to see a threat where one doesn't exist...even though these people sound patronizing and controlling that doesn't mean you aren't reading more into it because you do not feel well. I do know how that feels. When I am depressed the last thing I need is to be around pushy people. I feel I am doing all I can just to get up and out of the house. We all have to get better in our own time frame. Nothing is permanent. Give it a little time. Please hang in there. I am going on a little vacation starting today so I will be away from the computer for awhile. I shall miss you and everyone. Hang in there for everybody's sake. You are a bright,articulate woman entitled to her own opinion. You are also ill with depression so you are right to protect yourself and keep looking for the right help where you don't feel threatened or pushed around. Trisha

Bella, That must be very hard to have your daughter also diagnosed with depression. How is she dealing with it? You do not say how old she is but no matter, it is important for you to set a good example. If she didn’t want to see the doc, and you didn’t take her, what message is that sending? I have suffered from depression since I was 10 years old, maybe even earlier. I never got help for it and it led to a suicide attempt at 17. Even after that I was resistant to help and my Mom (whom I think also suffers from depression but would not admit it if her life depended on it) ignored the problem and acted like everything was fine from the day I was released from the hospital. She has never mentioned it again and no one else made any attempt to help me. It took me 13 years after that to even see a doctor about it again. That’s 13 years that I could have been working on this instead of ignoring it. I know it’s very hard to get help for someone who doesn’t want it and if your daughter is resistant which it sounds like she is, it will be hard for you, especially since you suffer from it yourself. But give her options. If she doesn’t like this doctor, is there another one? Why do you resist psychotherapy? I personally have had bad experiences and will not see one myself, but I am all for someone else giving it a try. Just because it didn’t work for me doesn’t mean it won’t work wonders for someone else. You should encourage your daughter to give it a try. Help her pick one she may like. Does she have a counselor at school or a pastor at church she could start with if she is afraid of seeing a psychotherapist right off? How much do you tell her about your depression and experiences? Be open with her and maybe if you can share experiences together, it will help you both. Don’t shut her out and don’t deny her the help she needs, even if she doesn’t want it right now. Don’t force her into things but let her know about her options and let her choose what she wants to try, then support her decisions even if it is not the path you choose for yourself. (Unless her choice is to do nothing at all…that should NOT be an option.) If you are not strong enough to take her to the doctor or wherever, is there a close friend or relative who can help?

i have been getting very anxious. i am depressed and it is better if i am left on my own to work through things and not have to put my toe where someone else says i should. i have two things this week that have made me feel very anxious. my daughter has been diagnosed with depression too and so things are particularly tense around here and we (or i, as the mother) have to manage it and set some ground rules. she is revising for her exams and i have said that i want her out of the house sometimes (it is impossible when she's here - she is so demanding and bad-tempered). she's gone to the library in a huff and i've arranged for her to come back at 1am for lunch. i don't want her to feel rejected but i need to protect myself. our doctor has suggested she sees a psychotherapist but i am strongly against this idea and i believe i know what i'm doing. the doc has been dismissive with me and pushed me aside as far as my daughter's treatment plan is concerned. i resent that - just because i'm depressed doesn't mean i'm a non-person. we were supposed to see her (doc) yesterday and i got very anxious. it is so horrible to meet someone who has a blanket prejudice but has a lot of power over your family. we didn't go (my daughter didn't want to go anyway and doesn't like the woman) but i feel anxious about it. the doc keeps calling and is desperately patronising. i have to see my head of dept at college tomorrow becaue i haven't been able to go to college. i have told him i am suffering from depression but he also was dismissive. i don't care about that but he is harsh and is insisting i come to college and won't talk to me on the phone or e-mail. i am anxious about going in to college. it's almost like i have to display myself to convince him i am not well. i don't want to do that and i don't want to look at how far behind i am tbh and have a lot of harsh talking-to. i'm not at college for him but for myself. i know i sound bad-tempered and sulky but i feel it. i don't want to have to please other people. i have to get well and it's got nothing to do with anyone else at all. why don't they all just f*ck off and leave me alone. when i'm able to find my own rhythm i can feel the benefit. i know i can work through this as i've had a lot of ex