I understand what you are saying about accepting the way you are and feeling how you feel. I do get so caught up in being "normal" around everyone else, that when I am alone or have time to myself I am just empty--there is no "me" only the person want me to be. However, the majority of people in my life do not know that I am struggling so much with depression. So be myself all of a sudden, it just seems like too big of a risk right now. I applaud you for having the courage to be yourself and stop pretending. I agree that that in and of itself would be a huge huge weight off my shoulders, but just not there yet. Perhaps my hiding my depression so much is why I am always looking for a way to get rid of my depression rather than learn how to manage (which is what I'm beginning to see is more realistic, I think). And Bob, I would love to find things that I can lose myself in, but at this point I haven't been able to cultivate that kind of interest in anything. I get so stuck in the cycle of starting to do more things (okay, mostly thinking), or gain interest, but it is inevitably followed up by my asking myself things like - "What's the point?" Why would I want to do this, I don't want to live anyway?" or at the very least, "I'm not good enough, smart enough, or whatever." It stops me in my tracks, but I don't know how to get past these things.
