tanya you sound good. i also have to get more feeling into my life. its sounds silly but sometimes i practise my emotions when driving on the highway, yelling in frustration, singing...no one should be exposed to that...smiling. ocassionally I listen to upbeat music and dance...not in the car, but at home. i make eye contact with people who come into my space, at work, for example and I smile and say hello. if i am being served at a retail establishment i make small sincere compliments. I look for ways to connect to people. I also take my camera to social gatherings. thats an easy way to stay occupied and also a great way to connect to people. My digital camera can replay large images of each shot. just a few ideas I'm working on that help me feel better each day take care bob

I just want to say that the group I am going to is very encouraging for me. Not because I think my problems are solveable, but because the people there let me be who I am...I don't have to pretend. Yesterday when we did check-in I said that "maybe" I would take group time, and to my surprise I did it. I cried the whole time I was talking and I realized that it was okay. Afterwards two of the gals in my group asked if they could give me a hug, and I said yes. Again, a new experience for me. I am not good at feelings and still don't really know how to describe how that made me feel, but I realize that it was something I needed. I also like the support that I get here, and I only hope that some day I will be one of the positive, encouraging people writing here. I think that for me too it is a combination of lots of things, that in and of themselves are not catastrophic, that contribute to my depression. In a way, I think that makes it a lot harder and there is an overwhelming sense of where to begin and what's most important to focus on. Also, I think that it conttributes to the shame and guilt of feeling this way, which only adds to the problem.

thanks for the welcome bob. i know what you are saying about joining some kind of group. i just dont know where to turn. plus im a single mom and dont have much help with my son. i have looked for a support group but everything seems to cost money which is a lil tight. im not a church goer so that is out of the question. i really just dont know where to turn. i live in florida and cant seem to find much support here. if anyone else knows of any ideas i am open to suggestions. i appreciate your support and suggestions. i havent given up. take care

batty Good to have you join the site. I have gotten much out of whats been posted on here. There's lots of positive support. Of course its a great place to unload your feelings and frustrations. With regards to your loneliness, have you considered joining a group such as toastmasters, who are extremely supportive of people and very welcoming. Also churches are looking for new victims...err i mean members. You have to be a bit cautious about churches and their motives, but there are a great many great organizations and and people who reach out to individuals. you can shop around until you find a group you feel comfortable with. you don't have to be totally committed. Just be honest and tell them you are searching for meaning and relationships in your life. Also you could consider such groups as womens organizations. I write a daily journal and I do some poetry. It doesn't have to be good...just do some word association type of stuff. i also spend time with photography. Creative tasks absorb me for the moment and take my mind off my problems gotta go take care bob

Hi, great question. The most profound I think. I deal with this daily. I wonder if I have the right to feel how I feel too. People around me smile and laugh and I feel nothing but sadness. I live in the past and cant seem to think of the future or positive things. Currently I am taking Depakote, Rispidol and Trazadone. Finally a cocktail of meds that seems to be working...slowly. I was taking Geodon and Lexapro and feeling so suicidal and depressed. I was having constant panic attacks. I do feel a little more...calm..if you will. I still feel so sad tho but I have only been on these meds for two weeks. I know I need to give it time. I constantly second guess myself and feel worthless. I know that alot of us on this site seem to feel the same way and in a strange way that brings me comfort. I have no one to talk to but my tdoc. Family doesnt understand and I have no friends. I pushed everyone away. I would love to have one friend to talk to that understands. To connect with just one person I feel would make the world of difference to me. Especially someone who can relate. Anyways I just wanted to post because I thought this was a great question and one I battle with daily. I hope everyone is feeling well today. Take care.

Tanya, I'm new to the group so I hope you don't mind my joining in. For me, I don't have to have one major issue that makes me depressed. It's usually the accumulation of many, many things--some small, some huge--that get wrapped up around my heart and sap my energy. Mental and physical energy. And I'm usually not aware of it happening until I get to the point of exhaustion. I wish you well on this journey to peace, Chickadee

Tanya i have screwed up and failed many times and I have taken it all very serviously. on the other hand i have had some success. i have lots of problems, but right now i am just focusing on my positive things. i'll deal with the problems, I can handle and whatever happens happens. i helped change the diaper of an old man today. i think thats life. perhaps one day i will be there. i wonder what that will be like. then i measure my problems against his i think wow...i have so much. Life is a trip. i have travelled and worked around the world. My mind is like a film vault full of strange and wonderful experiences. I tell myself that what I am going through now is just another episode. I am an objective observer watching my life unfold. i have gotten too wrapped up in playing the game, following all the rules, measuring myself against other peoples values. i am going to make my own values and standards, which I will use to evaluate myself. with regards to your group, i myself can be very shy. Sometimes if I am at a social gathering I have a strong urge to leave. Strangely enought on other ocassions I am the center of attention. now i am sort of aware of how I behave and i analize the situation in a detached way. that helps me deal with any problems I have. i think groups can be tremendously empowering. buy into what the instructors/leaders are telling you. Get the negative stuff out of you head. try to relax with it all. don't worry about success or failure. Look for nice sincere things to say to people. Start with the intructer/therapist. thats the easieast. tell them what you like about their style..try to find your favourite thing about the session. ask them what they like about their job. ask people a few questions about their experiences... anyway thats just a few ideas i'm throwing out. i don't mean to be pushy. i am just sort of talking from a personal perspective, since i don't have any professional expertise with therapy. you are fortunate that you have a program to attend...that someone cares about your situation. keep writing...just detail everything that happens during the day...and how you felt about it...angry, confused, amused..anyways thats just more stuff that popped into my hear...I like to write. It makes me

I would just like to respond to your comment that we should try to find something that gives us pleasure to help us forget that we are depressed. For that me, it tends to be either work or in the past schoool. However, having left my job of 4 1/2 years, I'm right back where I started...and the same thing keeps happening over and over. It is this cycle that I don't know if I can deal with any more. It's like I keep putting a bandaid on a wound that never heals. As for the group that I am in, it is actually a group that combines education and skills training as well as regular therapy. It is a fairly intense program that meets for three hours for 10 days, designed to help participants get a little more stable before continuing with other avenues of therapy. I hope I can take your advice and assert myself at some point. Today I said maybe five words if I was lucky. I know that I need to interact more if I am to get the full benefit from the group, but that is something that is very hard for me to do.

hi perhaps we might guess at why we are depressed. we might look at how we feel after certain situations. Also we might experiment with doing things that give us pleasure that make us forget that we are depressed...activities that absorb us totally. As for feeling right about what is fair or whatever...we in North America are fed such a trip about what is just and fair and so on and so forth. It is not necessarily founded in reality, but there are many myths supported by television and other media. Each idividual is just as entitled to happiness as any other individual. If you are in a group assert yourself. can you get some laughs out of a depression group?...i would be interested in what sort of interaction takes place...and what sort of people are involved. as you sit in the group take mental notes and see if you can figure out whats happening. i have been involved with lots of groups and have generally gotten a lot out of most of them. I hope all of the above makes some sort of sense. I am just kinda typing away. its nice to find a new posting on here. bob

If you don't know why you are depressed, how can you work at getting better? I went to my first group therapy meeting today, and well I can understand why people who have been abused or who are recovering from drug addiction, etc, can be depressed. It almost makes me feel as if I don't have the right to feel as horrible as I do. Other than my dad and stepdad dying, I've never had any horrible event in my life. And as far as dealing with death, I've always just had the attitue that people die. Most of the time I don't even feel like life is worth living, but then I feel petty and guilty and selfish because in the grand scheme of things I know I have a pretty fortunate life. So why isn't that be enough?