Ive had depression for a long time. When I was 11 I wrote in my diary about my desire to commit suicide. Now Im in my early 30s and have been in treatment for my depression for about 10 years. Ive been through many psychiatrists, meds and therapists over the years. My first med was zoloft and Ive been on many different SSRIs. However, Ive always had severe side effects and now refuse to take that class of anti-depressant. I do take bupropion. I toletate it very well and while it hasnt completely lifted my depression it has kept me from the extreme lows where Id sleep 12-15 hours, refuse to get out of bed, cry all the time, cut myself, etc.
I did eventually find a great therapist who Ive been seeing for almost 3 years. Besides the depression she has been treating me for anxiety, social phobia and an extreme medical phobia. Confronting the medical phobia has been very difficult, but I can proudly announce that just this week I had my first physical as an adult and had a blood draw for the first time in my life. I could never have done it without her. Unfortantely she no longer accepts insurance and the cost to see her has increased from a $30 co-pay to $100 a session (thats lower than her normal fee too).
As for my user name: Isilzha veni. Im a HUGE fan of the sci-fi series Babylon 5. The phrase come from Minbari and means: the future comes or for the future; so I thought using it at this site would serve as a reminder as to why I am here.
"The Universe puts us in places where we can learn. They are never easy places, but they are right. Wherever we are, it's the right place .. and the right time. Pain that sometimes comes is part of the process of constantly being born."
-- Delenn to Sheridan in Babylon 5:"A Distant Star"
"The future is always changing. We create the future: with our words, our deeds and with our beliefs.
-- Lady Ladira to Sinclair in Babylon 5:"Signs and Portents"
"The past tempts us, the present confuses us, and the future frightens us. And our lives slip away, moment by moment, lost in that vast terrible inbetween. But there is still time to seize that one last fragile moment. To choose something better, to make a difference, as you say. And I intend to do just that.
-- Centauri Emperor and Sheridan in Bab
