To MRB -- Thank you. don't know if i have any fight left in me. been in therapy over 5 years, probably had depression since childhood. i'm old. there's less time ahead than behind and more of the same. feel like i can't face it. see my psychologist today. maybe it will help. thank you everyone for caring enough to post. it's hard to be only in the dark.

Hi Kendy I was very sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. I wouldn't exactly wasnt to say that the advice to "keep fighting it" etc is wrong, but sometimes when we feel as low as you do I think we can reach a point when we CAN'T in fact keep fighting anymore and the effort and feelings of hopelessness in trying to do so makes us feel far worse. Also of course "trying" and "fighting" don't of themselves always help anyway. Suppose for example you are trying to undo a bolt. You can put tremendous effort and energy into it but if you try to unscrew it THE WRONG WAY then not only will you not undo it but you will in fact make it tighter! Perhaps for a time you should "give yourself permission" to give up the struggle, to STOP fighting, until you get yourself more help - the right kind of help so that you will be in a much better position to take some small steps for yourself. I think doing this program will help as may considering whether you need some more medication or a different kind of medication. I hope that the above may be of use and that you will post again to let us all know how you are getting on. Most of us "have been there, done that and got the T - shirt" to use an expression common in my country. We're still here - just about - which proves that it is possible to come through these experiences although if you pardon the language they're bloody horrible at the time. Kind regards MRB

I've been struggling with depression for a very long time too. There have been many times when I've felt tired of fighting it. It helps for me to reflect on times when I haven't been as depressed; that allows me to see that my darkest moods aren't permanent. As for therapy, I know it can be difficult. After seeing my therapist for over 3 years I finally decided to tackle my phobia. So, over the past 6 months I've been in intense treatment to overcome a phobia I've had since childhood. My fear was so intense that I cried the first couple of times I did a progressive muscle relaxation exercise she wanted me to do. I cried because I knew the exercise was one of the first steps in confronting my phobia and I didn't believe I could face the next steps. But after a while I was able to concentrate on relaxing rather than my phobia; it took practice. It was a medical phobia. I've been phobic of doctors and med exams since childhood, but in my early 20's I forced myself to see a gynaecologist. The doctor was so horrible I couldn't see another doctor for years...and my pap smear came back abnormal. I lived with the fear I had cervical cancer for over a decade, but the phobia was so intense I couldn't go back to see a doctor (any doctor). One of my first exposure therapy exercises was to read information from a webpage describing a typical exam. When I first read it aloud in my therapists office I hyperventilated (so much for the breathing exercises!) I took home a copy and was suppose to read it over and over again for at least a half hour every day. Then my therapist found me a sympathetic doctor who would be willing to work with me and she scheduled my appointment. When I received the email from my therapist with the doctor's name and my appointment date/time I stared at that email for over an hour before I could reply and say I'd go. The appointment was two weeks away and I didn't know if I'd be able to do any more than just meet with the doctor. I took lots of valium during that time too! Every step of the way I didn't think I'd could get through it. But on the day of the appointment I felt ready to try and get everything done...a full exam, a tetanus shot and a blood draw. I'd never had a blood draw in my life (I'm 32) and was terrified of g

know what they want me to do but i don't know if i can. know what you're saying but i'm tired. sorry

Kendy, Have you tried the program? If you are uncertain take it to your doctor and discuss. It was designed by Doctors to assist you step by step through different avenues of your Depression. Working slowly and diligently will help you. Please contact us if you need us to help you through the sessions, Josie ___________________________________ The Depression Center Support Team.

been this way for so long. been fighting so long. psychologist says to keep fighting it, keep struggling, don't let it win. just so tired. try to do what they tell me to do but it's never enough for them. there's always something more. ask me to do things they know i just can't do. sorry